Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Monkey, Version 3.12

Dear Monkey,

It seems we are having a few too many waking up on the wrong side of the bed, horrible, terrible, no good days.  You say your legs are too tired to get out bed, mope over your breakfast, whimper over hair combing and teeth brushing, and drag your feet all the way to school.

I keep wondering where my giggling, bouncy happy eyed boy it.  I feel that maybe I lost him between the last 13 hour work day and the weekend call shift.  Maybe the sunny faced morning boy has been gone a long time, and it's just these past couple weeks of being home in the morning have let me realize that.

But no, I don't believe it.

I still see your sunshine, when you show me your drawings from school.  When you show me how long you can balance on your scooter or how high you can swing on the swing in the back yard. 

You are still there. 

I just need to remember that being five is hard.  All the expectations have changed. You are still so little, little enough to need a stool to stand on when you brush your teeth and little enough to need help with your socks occasionally.  But you are also big.  Big enough to have chores and big enough to start reading and big enough to almost, almost beat your brother in a foot race (or at least to want to beat your brother.)  This age of being stuck between little and big is difficult.  Difficult for you, wanting to be independent, but still wanting help.  Difficult for us, knowing which time is which.

Being five is a tough job. And sometimes that equates to grumpy, pouty, very bad days.

But don't worry.  I still love you, no matter how many meals you refuse, no matter how many time outs there are in a day, no matter how long it takes to get dressed in the morning.  

You are my sunshine.

Even when you stomp off, shouting you are NOT my sunshine.

Even then, I love you.


Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Full Bloom

After a mild winter, spring came early.  This is absolutely the ideal scenario. Spring came so early, so quickly, and so fully here, that it felt as if it had been lying just under the surface of the cold, desperate to break through.  Once it decided to burst from the ground, nothing could hold it back.

It is not even April, and all ready the daffodils are nearly passed, and there are already buds on the lilac bushes.

The world was gray and bare and now, it is covered in the lush green mist of new leaves.

Each twig is in full bloom.

All the color, the freshness, the newness of almost makes spring my favorite season.

Visit Leigh vs Laundry for 52 Weeks of Happiness.

Monday, March 26, 2012

Full of Energy

The days are warmer, and with the warm weather have come a flurry of growing things.  And all the growing and springing have me motivated.  I have more energy than I have in a very long time. Energy to get things done.

I could talk about the things I have done with all this energy.  But instead, I'm going to make a list of things I know need to be done.  And by done, I mean by the end of this month. I know that Project 52 isn't really about deadlines, but I'm giving myself some here. I need to take this energy that the warm weather is giving me and tackle the things that either overwhelm me or scare me.

3. Submit posts for SITS
I feel that many of the bloggers featured on SITS either have amazing writing skills and/or a beautiful blog. I've been intimidated by all these other bloggers for so long. But I need to get over this. I know that the waiting list to be a featured blogger on SITS is probably years long, worse than any daycare waiting list, but if I don't do this now, it will only get longer.

But this is where I could also use some help.  If you have a moment, could you run through my archives and just let me know some of your favorite posts?  Because you are wonderful like that.

8. Share some recipes.
I love cooking.  With my menu planning, I'm doing it more often. But sharing recipes gives me as much anxiety as the idea of a pot luck.  It means putting something out there that I love and seeing if other people will enjoy it. And I don't really have many original recipes, just ones I have tweaked to fit my family's "discerning " tastebuds.  And I can't pretend that I'm going to have anything amazing, or be the next Pioneer Woman or anything.

11. Get serious about finding a job, meaning I actually have to submit my CV or talk to an actual person.
Out of everything on my list, this scares me the most. It brings up all sorts of insecurities about whether or not I'm going to be a good anesthesiologist, about whether or not I have the skills necessary to make it. I'm terrified of finding out that I'm not as good as I should be. Also, with our complicated family situation, what with dental school and all, the possibility of finding my dream job isn't really a reality. Coming to terms with that and taking what is available is just a little bit hard.  But the end of residency is approaching faster than ever, and I need a job.

12. Break out the oil paints and put brush to canvas.
I started painting in high school and continued to paint during college. At one point, I like to think I was quite good. But it's been years since I've mixed colors together and put them on canvas. And the thought of struggling through basic technique scares me. But I have to remember that I'm not painting for anyone but myself.

14. Do the Couch-to-5K program.
I have tried getting in shape.  I've tried losing weight.  I've tried running.  And in the past, I've failed on all accounts.  But hopefully, with this slow, gradual program, and I can do it this time. 

17. Send a handwritten letter to 5 friends.
This one doesn't scare me.  But it does overwhelm me a little.  Writing a letter seems like such a luxury.  But I'm going to just sit down and do this one.

36. Get a better handle on our finances.
This one embarrasses me just a little. As an adult, I feel like I should be very financially responsible.  And for the most part, we are.  We live within out means.  We are not extravagant.  We have money left over at the end of each month.  A little is going into savings.  But  I've always been a little passive about this.  I need to take a more active part, and get a better idea of exactly how much our bills amount to, exactly how much we have in savings.  In other words, I need to start acting like an adult.

I'm hoping to start tackling these few things on my list that pit me against my insecurities. I want to be brave, brave enough to push myself  to grow, to push upward and onward.  And what better time than spring to do this?

Friday, March 23, 2012

Currently: March

Current Book
Nothing.  I am reading nothing.  I just finished The Hunger Games trilogy again, and liked it even better this time around.  But now I don't know what to read. What are people reading these days?  What is the next great book, the next The Help, the next Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, the next Hunger Games? What are you reading?  I need to know.

Current Shame-Inducing Guilty Pleasure
Redoing my closet.  I am making my little walk-in closet the most girly closet ever.

Current Drink
Water with lemon.

Current Songs
"Rolling in the Deep" by Adele
"Eyes Open" by Taylor Swift

Current Album
21 by Adele: I might be a little late on this bandwagon, but I adore her voice.

Current Wish-List
To get my blog a make-over.  If you are visiting my actual blog instead of just Reader, you may have noticed that my blog is now just a boring standard template. Not that it was amazing before, but not it's even worse. If any of you know a great, very affordable blog designer, I would love to know of them.

Current Needs
To find a job.  I really need to figure out what I want to do when I'm done with residency. 

Current Triumph
Running. I haven't run in years.  But I've started the Couch-to-5K program, and I feel great!

Current Favorite Film
I'm hoping it's going to be Hunger Games. 

Current TV Show
New seasons of Survivor and Amazing Race.

Current Indulgence
My mani-pedi.  I love my pretty toes.

Current Outfit
T-shirts!  It's so warm outside these days, my sweaters are no more.

Current Banes of My Existence
My current schedule makes it so I see my boys for less than a hour each day, in the morning before they leave for school.  I miss family dinner. I can't wait for a more normal schedule.

Current Excitement
Going to see Hunger Games!  I'm going to see it tomorrow, and am so excited.  I even have a Hunger Games shirt I plan on wearing (partly just to embarrass Hubster and my friends.)
Also, I am going out to dinner with Hubster and friends before that.  It's been months since I've gone on something that resembled a date.

Current Mood
Is "organizational" a mood?  Because that's what I feel right now.  Like I must organize everything!

Current Photo

I took this photo in the OR a while ago. Just another typical day.

Thursday, March 22, 2012

A Green Weekend in Chicago

At the end of Spring Break, I was scheduled to be at a anesthesia resident conference in Chicago. Being scheduled to present at the conference, there wasn't really any way I could skip out and lounge about in the glorious 80 degree weather.  Since the boys and Hubster were both off for Spring Break, we decided to make a family trip of the whole thing.  Which the boys were completely okay with, since they think Chicago is just about the greatest place on earth.

The weekend also happened to fall on St. Patrick's Day, and Chicago on St. Patrick's Day is something we had always wanted to see.

After my presentation Saturday morning, we all decked out in our green and walked downtown to see the famous Chicago River dyeing, where the Chicago River is turned a brilliant shade of green. Despite the massive crowds of green-clad people, we were able to get phenomenal viewing of the dyeing, where boats add pounds of powdered vegetable dye to the river.  The dye initially looks orange, but when it mixes with the water, it turns the entire river bright, Irish green.

I was worried that I wouldn't be able to capture exactly how bright green the river is (since it's a rather murky green the rest of the time.)  But these are the actually photos, no Photoshop adjusting.  That river is bright!

The boys were suitably impressed!

All of us decked out in green

After the river dyeing, we went to the St. Patrick's Day Parade. I still have mixed feelings about this.  It was so crowded, with what felt like easily a million people all trying to watch the historic parade. We were four rows of people back, with ten more rows of people behind us. People were very nice and let the kids up front by the barricades so they could actually see the parade.  I spend the majority of the time crouching down, making sure I could still see my boys' shoes through all the legs in front of us.

Sometimes, I think we should have just skipped the parade and spent the afternoon at Navy Pier, but we've now done it once.

The boys were completely exhausted after the parade, so we made our way back through the now intoxicated and rowdy crowd to our hotel, both to let the boys take a nap and let the craziness outside quiet down.

I attended more of the conference.

We then spent the evening walking the streets of Chicago. I love the buildings and all the architecture.   I could take hundreds of pictures, just of buildings.

I love how when you walk down the streets, it feels like entering a canyon of glass, metal, and concrete, with buildings looming over you.

We spent a lot of time at The Bean. The boys just adored the sculpture and couldn't get enough running about, crawling under, and just touching it.

 We spent the next day at Lincoln Park Zoo, enjoying the unseasonably warm weather.  Since the boys enjoy a zoo more than just about anything else, it was the perfect way to end both our trip to Chicago and Spring Break.

Over all, we did a lot of walking, wore a lot of green, ate a lot of deep dish pizza, and had another wonderful weekend together, just further confirming in my boys' minds that Chicago is one of the best places on earth.

 And oh, yeah, I went to a conference.

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Just Like Any Other Day

When I woke up this morning, I laid in bed for a while, wondering if I felt different. I kept thinking that maybe I should feel different.  But my arms, legs, bad eyes, fuzzy hair, and my continuous thoughts all still felt the same.

Today I'm 30.

This is the big one, right?  The one where now I'm adult. Which I why I thought maybe I should feel different.  I didn't really think that I would, but I thought that I should.

But today is just like any other day. Well, it did include some presents, lots of hugs, a pedicure (my first one ever!), and lunch with a friend. So, maybe not just like any other day.

I kept thinking that I should do something big, something important for this birthday. But like many other things in my life, it crept up on me, without me noticing, until Monkey pointed out that my birthday was going to be the next day.  I thought I had more time to prepare for this, more time to come up with something amazing.

But instead, today will be just like any other day. There are dishes to be done and meals to be made. There is work to go to. But I'm not actually the one doing the dishes and the meals are done (thank you, crock pot) and my work hours are dramatically shorter this week. So, maybe not just like any other day.

When Hubster turned 30, I remember he approached a full-on freak out. Granted, the man thinks that he has been accelerating towards his grave since the day he turned 25, so it hardly counts.  I kept trying to calm him down, telling him 30 wasn't old, it was just the beginning of being an adult. Then, a month ago, when I realized that I would be 30 very soon, I felt that same panic rising up in me. Was I ready to leave behind my 20s?  I hadn't done nearly any of the things I had wanted to do in that decade of my life?  Was I really ready to be the adult that being 30-something entails?

However, this morning, there was no freaking out. There was just lying in bed, trying to figure out of being 30 felt different that being 29.  So far, being 30 today feels just like any other day.  Although, so far, 30 comes with pretty purple nails and Hunger Games movie tickets and key lime pie.

Okay, so maybe not just like any other day.

Thursday, March 15, 2012

Spring Break, Midwest Version

Typically, Spring Break for us includes a couple of trips to the park, lazy mornings, and extra story times. Sometimes we even go crazy and set up a tent inside the house. Sometimes, Spring Break doesn't actually include anything, because I'm working. But this year, through some impressive schedule juggling that ended with me owing several coworkers some favors, all four of us are off work/school at the same time.

Such a historic event deserved for than just a little staycation. Not that there is anything wrong with relaxing at home. It's just that we haven't had anything that resembled a real vacation in a very long time. Since warmer climates were still just a little out of the budget, we decided to head to the next best thing. Wisconsin.

The Wisconsin Dells, the Waterpark Capital of the World. And even though Wisconsin in early March may not sound that wonderful to the average person, it sounded perfect to us. I guess that's what Midwestern winters will do to a person. However, we had no intention of lounging pool side in the Wisconsin weather. The best thing about the Dells is the plethora of indoor waterparks. The thought of swimming and sliding and being warm was just what we needed.

The resort we went to was perfect. Complete with wave pool, lazy river, and hot tubs. And definitely water slides.

This trip is also where I learned quite a bit about my boys.

It is almost impossible to scare Monkey. Nearly as soon as we got there, he wanted to go down the inner tube water slide with me. We climbed up the four levels of stairs and stood in line while he excitedly hopped foot to foot. As soon as we started the slide, I realized that not only was the entire ride pitch black, but it was a lot faster than I thought it was going to be. After hitting the water with an enormous splash, I grabbed him and asked if he was okay. His answer, "That was awesome! Let's go again!"

He went on every slide he was allowed to go on. I even found him trying to get in line for ones he was too small for. He couldn't get enough.

Bug, on the other hand, is Bug. He doesn't like it when things move too fast. For example, this was him on the Ferris wheel at the indoor theme park.

I took him on what looked like the slowest water slide, and it still scared him to tears.

Which is why, when he finally decided to go on the smaller waterslides, by himself, I was so proud of him. We cheered each run he made.

It was a great couple of days, filled with go-carts, and miniature golf, and restaurants where the food is delivered on little trains. It was filled with countless water slides, endless trips around the lazy river, and eating out each night.

It may have just been to Wisconsin, but it was just what we needed.

Thursday, March 8, 2012

What It Says About Me: The Purse

As we were getting ready to run errands over the weekend, I remembered two more items we needed to pick up at the store. I called to Hubster in the other room to write contact solution and olive oil on the list. When he asked where the list was, I told him it was in my purse. A few quiet minutes later and Hubster tromps upstairs.

"Which grocery list would you like me to add it to? You have 8 grocery lists in your purse."

Maybe I should clean my purse out a little more often.

Many months ago, I wrote about both my bedside table and my refrigerator and what they say about me. I had always meant to follow that up with a post about my purse, what with it being how you tell a lot about a woman and all.

The 8 grocery lists made me decide that now would be a good time to do that. Although I'm not exactly sure I like what my purse is saying about me these days.

This is my purse. I can't remember where I bought it, but it wasn't very expensive. The green makes me happy.

I decided to do this the honest way. I took my purse, unzipped all the compartments and then shook it out onto my bedroom floor.

This is what my purse is saying about me. It needs it's mouth washed with soap.

After organizing my purse, I found that it contained:

4 pens
3 pencils
1 pair of socks
Pack of gum
2 Chick-fil-A mints
Ice Breaker mints
1 nearly empty bag of craisins
Meal replacement shake
1 fruit snack package
1 package of Twizzlers
2 Veggie Tales CDs
Tub of wet wipes
Pack of Kleenex
Moist towelette
Finger nail clippers
Chap stick/lip stick/gloss
Coke cap
Ziploc bag of art charcoal
1 movie ticket
2 book marks
4 fortunes from fortune cookies
5 lists of books for library day
13 receipts
2 pieces of mail
1 concert program
1 note from the boy's pediatrician
A small-ish pile of garbage

and yes...

8 grocery lists.

So what does this say about me? Well, mostly, I think it says that I need to clean my purse out a little more often.

It also says I'm prepared for a little bit of everything. Dirty hands, bad breath, sunny day, wet feet. I've got it covered.

And also, if the zombie apocalypse happens tomorrow, I'm carrying enough food in my purse to at least make it a week.

What does your purse say about you?

Monday, March 5, 2012

Typical Day

It's been a long time since I've described a typical day around here. Mostly because there are no typical days. Even when the days are blurring into one heavy load that sometimes crushes me into exhaustion, I cannot choose one day that accurately portrays my life.

But today was about as routine as they come. So I'll start with today...

4:50 am: Alarm goes off. I push snooze. I always give myself 5 minutes of snooze. It feels like such a luxury.

4:55 am: Alarm goes off again. No more luxury. Time to get out of bed. I've started getting up a few minutes early to do a few exercises and stretches. Because I'm losing a war with my scale. And with my pants. And so ultimately, with myself. I do crunches, push-ups, and stretches. I check to see if I can still reach my toes. Success.

5:00 am: Enough exercise. 5 minutes is enough. Head to the bathroom. I weigh myself. Okay, 5 minutes isn't enough. I wash my face, put in my contacts, brush my teeth, pretend to do my hair and make-up. Even though my eyes is all that people will see of my face most of the day at work.

5:15 am: Get dressed. Put on deodorant.

5:20 am: Downstairs to make coffee while I put on my compression stockings (don't judge, I stand a lot at my job.) I pack a quick lunch. I'm tempted to grab the delicious leftover broccoli-cheese soup, but I remember that vindictive scale upstairs and pack a grapefruit instead. I also put on my boots, because we got a lot of snow yesterday.

5:25 am: Back upstairs. Kiss a sleeping Hubster, Bug, and Monkey good-bye for the day. Monkey wakes up and wants a hug as well. I hug him tight and hush him back to sleep.

5:27 am: Grab my keys, bag, phone, and coat. Back the car down the driveway. And leave. Everyday I hate the leaving part.

5:37 am: Arrive at the commuter parking lot. Check the weather while I wait for the bus. It says it's cold outside. Yep, already knew that.

5:40 am: Get on the bus. Three of my fellow residents are on the same bus. We talk about what cases we are doing that day.

5:50 am: Arrive the hospital. Walk across the frigid parking garage to the side door I always take. Ride the elevator up.

5:55 am: Change into scrubs. Grab my pager, my stethoscope, my scrub hat, my name badge. Fill my pockets with my phone, several pens, and a marker. Drop my bag off in the resident lounge, put my depressing lunch in the fridge, grab my clipboard with my schedule, and head down to the operating rooms.

6:00 am: Grab supplies from the anesthesia work room. An IV set-up, an extra LMA. Stop by the pharmacy window and check of the drugs for my first patient. Head to my OR.

6:05 am: Get my OR ready. I have a mnemonic I follow every day to make sure I don't miss a thing. Everything I need for airway management is prepared. All the drugs I need are drawn up in labeled syringes. I'm incredibly OCD about my labels. Actually, maybe about everything.

6:30 am: Head upstairs for lecture. Today's lecture is a refresher on obstetric anesthesia.

7:15 am: Lecture is over. I meet with the resident who is rotating through anesthesia right now. We head back down to the ORs. I set up a few more things.

7:30 am: I go to see my first patient, a 40 something female, undergoing a procedure for kidney stones. She's unusual, in the fact that she's otherwise healthy. I don't have many patients this healthy. I introduce myself, talk about the plan for anesthesia, the risks of anesthesia. I answer her questions. I start her IV.

8:00 am: Arrive in the OR with the patient. The nurses ask her a few more questions. I help her move over to the OR bed. I put all the monitors on her. The rotating resident helps. My supervising staff arrives. I give her oxygen while he gives her drugs to drift her off to sleep. Once she's asleep, I place an LMA. We work with the surgical team to position her for her procedure.

8:30 am: The procedure has started. I do some charting. I do my little OCD thing and organize everything, throw away all trash, get everything pretty and clean. I talk to the rotating resident about LMAs: how to use them, their benefits, limitations, indications. I do some more charting. I check the weather. It's still cold.

10:30 am: This first procedure is over. My staff comes to the room. We wake the patient up and take her to recovery (or PACU). I give report to the recovery nurse, write a post-op note. I stop by the pharmacy window to drop of the drugs I didn't use and to check out drugs for my next patient.

10:40 am: Stop by the anesthesia work-room again for a spinal kit for the next patient. Head back to my OR to get everything ready for the next case.

10:50 am: Go see the next patient. This patient is over 90 years old and has a two page long problem list. He is at increased risk of adverse outcomes. We discuss spinal anesthesia and how it would be safer for him, given his lung disease. He stopped his blood thinning medication a week ago and the lab I ordered for him shows that his blood clotting time is at a level safe enough to do a spinal. He agrees.

11 am: Arrive in the OR again with this patient. Put on all the monitors, position the patient for the spinal. The spinal goes smoothly. The patient doesn't feel anything during his procedure and we avoided general anesthesia for him. I sent the rotating resident to lunch and then home for the day.

12:15 pm: This procedure went faster than expected. Take the patient to recovery. He is still numb from the waist down and is requiring some medication to keep his blood pressure up. Give report the to the recovery nurse, put in the order for the blood pressure medication, write a post-op note. Stop by pharmacy again.

12:35 pm: See the next patient. He already has an IV. Talk about the plan, the risks. I say the exact same thing every time. I try to be genuine and personable, but it's just the same speech every day. If I say it out of order, I forget things.

12:45 pm: Arrive in the OR with patient number 3. I offered him a spinal, but he didn't want to be awake. My staff and I drift him to sleep, "induction." Another airway is placed. I do some charting. My staff sends me to lunch.

1:15 pm: Grab a cup of ice water. Arrive in the resident lounge for lunch. Most of the residents have already eaten, but there is usually always someone here. We talk about how our days are going. We complain about how tired we are. We complain about the new scrubs. We share stories, trying to make each other laugh. I eat my grapefruit. I look at my cases for the next day. Two oral surgery cases. My favorite kind. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.

1:45 pm: Time to head back to the OR. The case is finishing up.

2:15 pm: Wake this patient up and take him to recovery. Report, note, pharmacy, OR. Rinse and repeat.

2:30 pm: Meet the last patient for the day. Say the same things. Do the same things.

2:45 pm: Arrive with last patient in the OR. Say the same things. Do the same things. Notice how cold it is in the OR. Check the weather. It hasn't changed. Check my e-mail. My schedule for the rest of residency is done. This excites, scares, overwhelms, and depresses me. I don't know why it does any of those things. Keeping one eye on the patient and the monitors, I play a round of Words with Friends. I'm losing. I do some study questions. This OR is freezing.

4:oo pm: This case feels like it's taking forever. Luckily, the patient has been very stable throughout the entire procedure.

4:15 pm: The surgeon announces suddenly that they are done with the case. Page my staff. Wake the patient up. Go to recovery. Report, note, pharmacy.

4:30 pm: Go back to the resident lounge. Do a happy dance as I enter because originally my cases were scheduled to go until 6 pm and we finished early. This never happens. I call the staff I'm working with tomorrow to discuss the two patients we have tomorrow. I'm excited for the cases.

4:50 pm: Go to the locker room, change out of scrubs and into normal clothes.

5:00 pm: Catch the bus back to the commuter lot. It is light outside and this is deliciously refreshing after not arriving home until after 7 for the last 5 work days. I call my mom and my sister, but don't get hold of anyone.

5:10 pm: Arrive in the commuter lot. Plug in my iPod to listen to happy music on the way home. Get stuck in small-town Iowa version of traffic.

5:30 pm: Arrive home. Do another happy dance for being home so early. I hug Monkey, Bug, and Hubster. Hubster is still in his scrubs from dental school; he only got home 10 minutes before I did.

5:45 pm: Make dinner. Tonight is corn and tofu lettuce wraps. I debate on lying to the boys about the tofu. But it's already written on the menu, so they'd know.

6:15 pm: Finally get everyone up to the table for dinner. Monkey has to get down three times: once for a straw, once for a napkin, and once to give me a hug. It's hard to get mad at that. I ask everyone about their day. Sometimes, this is like pulling teeth. But today, they excited about a game they played in P.E.

6:40 pm: The "how many bites" bargaining begins. I usually win by setting the first bid ridiculously high. Tonight is more successful than most. The boys have already eaten most their food. Hubster disappears upstairs to start studying. He has a test tomorrow.

6:45 pm: Encourage the boys to do their chores. Get Bug to practice his violin and do his spelling. We sing silly songs for each of his spelling words.

7:oo pm: Do dishes. Rinse out coffee mug so it's ready for tomorrow morning. Sit on the couch and just feel tired. Get sucked into the internet while the boys chase each other in circles. I read e-mail, Facebook, news, Pinterest, blogs. I shouldn't, but I do.

7:45 pm: The boys' game of tag has turned into a pillow fight. Send the boys to get in their pajamas and brush their teeth. For some reason, this is the longest part of the day. They don't want to get in their pajamas, since it's interrupting their play. But finally, Bug sets the good example and Monkey soon follows. They come downstairs for story time.

8:15 pm: Start reading. I say two stories, but like every other night, it ends up being three. You win some, you lose some. And if this is the one I lose, I'm fine with it. We read Dr. Seuss, a story of a monster, and a story about shadows.

8:40 pm: It's already past bedtime. Monkey is starting to get cranky. He goes upstairs to bother Hubster, who is still studying. I'm starting to feel really tired, but I have to read to Bug. He looks forward to this so much. I read to Bug, with him cuddled next to me, laughing at the funny parts. We are reading a novel about Ancient Egypt. We Google parts of the book we don't know. It's history lesson and reading all in one.

9:05 pm: I give Bug a piggy back ride upstairs to his room. I collect Monkey from next to Hubster and tuck him in bed. As Hubster comes in to their room to join us for bedtime prayer, Monkey starts sharing the fact he can now do subtraction. Which sets Bug off on the probability he is learning in math. We have to shush them for prayer. The last thing I say is, "We are not discussing negative numbers at this time of night."

9:15 pm: Finally, we have prayer. I kiss them both goodnight. Hubster stays and sings to Monkey. This is their thing together.

9:20 pm: Wash my face, take out my contacts, brush my teeth, change into some sweats.

9:25 pm: Sit with my laptop and two anesthesia text books in front of the TV. I blog. I haven't blogged in a while. It feels good. I watch a show from the DVR. I read a section from my anesthesia book. I talked a while ago that I was going to stop all this multi-tasking. It isn't possible. I have to do all these things at once, or I don't get to do them at all.

10:30 pm: Head upstairs. Kiss my sleeping boys good night. Every night, I make sure the last thing I do before getting into bed is kiss them. Even though Bug is so far over against the far side of his top bunk, that his kiss is delivered from my fingertips to his cheek.

10:32 pm: Hubster is still studying. He offers to move his books out of the bedroom and study in the office. But we don't get much time together, so I'm happy to have him nearby, even if the light is on and he's studying instead of snuggling. I should go straight to sleep, but I play a round of Words with Friends. I read part of a chapter in my book.

10:50 pm: Fall asleep. 6 hours before it all starts again.

As far as days go, this was a great day. I was home in time to cook dinner. I had down time. I got to read with my boys. I didn't fall asleep during dinner. My cases at work went very well.

I had planned on writing about last Thursday or Friday. Those were bad days and part of me wants to share my bad days, wear them like military stripes of what I survived. But I don't want to keep reliving the bad days. When I look back and read this again, I'm hoping that I can remember my days being like this perfectly typical day. Story time with my boys. Talking about math at bedtime. Dinner all together. There will be days that will be better and days that will be worse. And hopefully, there will be more of these typical days.