Unrecognizable

My 20 year old self would not recognize my current self at all.

I'm quite a few pounds heavier from having three children. I'm finding wrinkles and gray hairs and wear dark undereye circles almost daily.

The physical changes aren't the reason. I'm doing things and thinking things that my younger self would have scoffed at.

I run and I love it. I'm willing to wake up at 4:30 am to fit in a run before the kids get up. I'm frustrated when my run is limited by my schedule. I scour the internet for races to join.  I understand that runner's high.

My younger self hated running.

I drink green smoothies daily. They are filled with spinach, flaxseed powder, greek yogurt. I think they look lovely and taste delicious. I constantly try to get my family to join in.

My younger self would have found green smoothies disgusting.

I drink apple cider vinegar with honey every day. Even though I know there is no good evidence around this (and believe me, I'm usually all about the evidence), I feel better. I'm less hungry, less gassy, and over all feel better.

My younger self would scoff at this and anyone else who did this.

I've elimated many chemicals from my house. I primarily clean with water, baking soda, vinegar, Norwex, and a little Mrs Meyers. I feel better about what I have around my kids, worry less about when they eat things off the floor (they were going to eat those Cheerios anyways, but now at least it's chemical free.)

 

My younger self wouldn't have cared about this at all.

I'm researching rain barrels and composting containers and urban chickens. I spend weekends at the farmers market and try to buy as much local food as possible. I contemplate returning to my vegetarian diet.

My younger self would be so confused about all of this.

Standing in the dark kitchen, mixing up a kale-grapefruit-banana smoothie while still sweaty from a morning run, I almost don't myself now.

Who is this increasingly crunchy girl, trying to rack up the miles on the road and eat cleaner and live better? Is it getting older, leaving behind that youthful feeling of invincibility, that is making me focus on things that might keep me healthier? Is it having children that makes me care about these things? Is it my work, days spent caring for people in poor health, that has changed my attitudes?

I'm not sure. I don't really care the reason, because I feel great.

And I'm sure my younger self would at least appreciate that, even if she wouldn't recognize me.

This feeling isn't unique, right? We all make changes that surprise us, right? Would your younger self recognize you and the choices you've made?