Monkey is Eight

Dear Monkey,

You are suddenly so much taller, so much smarter, just so much older at age 8.  This last year, you have grown several inches, but you've grown so much more than just in height.

You want to be with your friends much more, jumping at every chance to be with them. You don't want to watch Disney movies with me anymore, preferring Pokemon and Merlin on Netflix. You don't really want to read with me at night anymore - at least that's what you say, until I find you snuggled next to me on the couch.

Despite all this new independence you're demonstrating, for your birthday this year, you asked for "just a nice party with my family."

So we had a dinner with just us. A Minecraft cake (that melted a little in our hot, end of summer kitchen.) A wagon full of gifts. Silly string fights in the back yard.

The next day, I let you play hokey from school and spend a whole day with just me. It felt like such a luxury for both of us. For you, a whole day where you didn't feel the need to compete for conversation with your older brother or protect all your things from your younger brother. For me, a whole day getting to enjoy this new, older you. 

We went ice skating, and had the entire rink to ourselves. We played tag and had races and were just silly.

We went out to lunch at the fancy restaurant you had requested and I let you order a caffeinated soda. We ate monster-sized burgers and stole french fries off each other's plates. 

It was a wonderful way to celebrate turning 8.

I had the time to realize that even though, with each blink of my eyes, you are older and new and different, you are actually still the same Monkey. Just now, 8 years. And I'm just as luck to be your mom now as I ever have been.

Love,
Mom

Writing again

At first, I just hadn't blogged in a few days. I meant to write about Monkey's birthday at the end of August, but ended up working late that day. I thought that I would write about it that weekend, but some home projects popped up that had to be attended to.

I would think that I was going to sit down and write each day, and then suddenly, it was half way through September and I had no idea where the time had gone. But I still felt that I wasn't that far behind on things and could easily catch up.

Then yesterday, my mother called me about early ordering things for Christmas and my boys asked when we were going to get their Halloween costumes. That's when it hit me how far behind things I had fallen.

In my mind, I'm still at the end of August, summer is just wrapping up, we've just started back to school, the holidays are not breathing down my neck, and I've got plenty of time to do everything. In reality, it's been almost two months since I've written anything, winter is fast approaching, and I'm behind in everything.

I find myself each night at 10 pm, still rushing between dirty dishes, getting the crock pot set up for the next day's dinner, and piles of laundry. My have-to-do list overwhelms my every day and I never get to move on to my want-to-do list, which is where blogging is.

I often wonder how I became so busy. I've tried to scale back on things. I'm not taking on big projects, I'm working less. But each day seems to hold fewer hours. All the time I had to sit and write before, I have no idea where that time has gone.

I know it's an illusion to think that everyone else has their lives pulled together and is staying on top of things and that I'm the only person floundering under the pressures of every day. That perfect person is a fantasy I've created from my guilt of not being able to do a better job. But when I'm picking up my children from school while sporting wet hair, yoga pants and a Disney t-shirt that I had to smell before deciding I could wear them, and I realize that Duck ended up wearing pajamas to daycare and Monkey with wearing plaid shorts and a striped t-shirt and it's 40 degrees outside and he doesn't have a jacket and his shirt is backwards, and I'm planning on microwaving leftovers for dinner and serving them on paper plates...on those days, the parents who are wearing real clothes look like they have their lives all figured out.

A year ago, when I graduated from residency, I was so sure that everything was going to be so easy and simple and I would have oodles of time, so much time I wouldn't know what to do with it.  All that time was also a pure fantasy. I work full time and have three children, one of which won't stop biting the cats. That time I thought I would have for Netflix marathons and naps just was never going to exist.

Although, in full disclosure, I have been reading novels. I haven't read novels since 2009. It's been wonderful to read again.

I'm reaching the conclusion that I may never have a pulled together look or free time to rearrange my tubberware drawer. But what I do have are free weekends and happy children to spend them with and a great deal of wonderful memories.

I'm going to get back to documenting those, all our family celebrations, our Midwest adventures, and my ongoing tumble of thoughts.

Junior High Jitters

Dear Bug,

You started junior high last week.

I spent so much time worrying about this - most of the summer, last year, years before that.

As quickly as you are growing, I still see you as my small boy, as someone I need to protect and shelter at all cost. When I would think about you starting junior high, all I could see was your shyness, your reserve, your struggle with new people and environments.

Additionally, it was impossible for me not to project my own experiences with junior high onto my concerns for you. Junior high was a miserable time for me, filled with social awkwardness, bullying, and isolation. I eventually found my core group of friends, but those years severely shook my self confidence. Junior high was just pure misery and I wished more than anything that I could protect you from that.

Add to that a new school that has a student population more than seven times larger than your elementary school, the more rigorous academic demands, the multiple classrooms and teachers, and your first time riding a school bus,  I was just a puddle of anxiety as the first day of school approached.

We did our best to prepare you. We toured the school several times over the summer, letting you locate the library, the gym, the cafeteria, try opening lockers. We attended every open house and orientation available.

And then the first day of school arrived, and off you went.

There have been many, many occasions in my life where I have realized that I worry too much.

This was one of them.

Despite my very best attempts, you have made the transition from elementary student to junior high student with ease.

Junior high appears to suit you. You were ready to leave behind elementary school. The fact that you grew a couple inches over the summer doesn't hurt, either.

In fact, I feel like I'm watching you blossom into a new and amazing person right in front of me. So much of your potential has bubbled up to the surface and become apparent.

I need to stop worrying. You are going to be just fine.

Love,
Mom

Solo Travels

When we found out that the boys' summer day camp ended with several weeks to go before school started, my initial reaction pretty much what it always is when I don't have an easy answer: Panic.

What would we do with them for two and a half weeks? Yes, they are getting older and with Bug being 12, I don't mind him being home alone for small amounts of time. But 11 week days home alone seemed a bit much. Especially because I knew that they would use all that time playing Minecraft and MarioKart and eating Cheetos.

After discussing several options, Hubster and I decided to send Bug and Monkey out to spent most of that time with my parents in rural Utah. (I would have sent Duck too, because he is waging an unholy war on kittens, furniture, houseplants, and my sleep at the moment, but it didn't seem kosher, letting a 20 month old fly with a 12 year old.)

First, I'd like to apologize to the Southwest agent I talked to on the phone. Southwest has a policy that children between the ages of 5-11, traveling without an accompanying passenger 12 and older, is an unaccompanied minor. If you read that carefully, according to Southwest policy, my children, flying by themselves for the first time, could not be booked as unaccompanied minors.  I may have lost my slim grasp on composure, as I was already anxious about my motion sick prone oldest child and my teaspoon sided bladder containing second child flying without me. I ask the poor women on the phone if Southwest expected my children to wander through a major Chicago airport alone. At that point she told me that I was more than welcome to get an escort pass. Instantly, I became a normal person again, but highly regretful of my behavior. I'm perfectly aware that it is not the fault of the person on the other side of the phone. Anyways, this is my public apology.

Anyways...

I found myself at an airport gate with Bug and Monkey, their bags carefully packed, snacks ready to go, travel papers in hand, and a constant reminder of proper travel etiquette and safety protocols pouring out of my mouth.

I stayed with them until their boarding passes were scanned and then, just like that, they walked away from me, down the ramp onto the plane.

The drive home from the airport was very quiet without the usually bickering coming from the back seats.

On the phone with Bug on their first day in Utah, I received a very quick run down on the day.

"When we got on the plane, it was very crowded. I think we were the last people on. There weren't any seats next to each other, so the flight attendant had to find us seats. We couldn't sit by each other!  Grandma wasn't at our gate when we landed, but I lead us to baggage claim without any problems! We didn't get lost once! And I stepped on a cactus!"

I instantly started empathizing about his rough day (and actually, my mom had been heading to their gate, they passed each other at some point, but my dad was waiting at baggage claim). When I said I was sorry it had been such a rough day, Bug replied, "What?  No! This is was best day ever!"

And that's how it was each day. They swam, and camped, and hiked mountains, and denied being home sick at all each time I called them.

When I met them at the airport at the end of their trip, they suddenly seemed so much older, much more than just the days they had been gone. After all, now they had traveled by themselves and had proven they could navigate an airport by themselves and had ridden horses by themselves and slept in a tent by themselves.

I didn't like how empty the house felt while they were gone or the constant little nagging feeling I carried in my chest as I went to sleep that I was forgetting something. I was so glad to have them home again.  But I'd do it again. In fact, this is going to become a standard part of our summers, sending the boys to visit family on their own.

They came back, laden with stories of adventure and friendship and connection, but also with a new sense of accomplishment and confidence.  Yes, we'll do this solo traveling again.

Our Disney Experience

When we started planning our Great Summer Road Trip, we knew that we had to make Disney World part of it. We felt that we couldn't drive all the way to Florida and not do the whole Disney thing. 

I went to Disneyland once when I was about 10 years old. We had taken Bug and Monkey to Disneyland when they were much littler (5 and 1 years old); neither of them really remembered it.

However, when I started planning the few days we planned to stay at Disney World, I also started having some mixed feelings.

First of all, it's expensive. Like really, really expensive. We calculated that our three nights, two and a half days at the Disney Resorts cost us more than the other 7 days of our trip combined.

Second, it was so overwhelming. Between park admissions with options for Hopper passes, and deciding which hotel to stay at, to deciding whether or not to purchase a meal plan, and scheduling FastPasses, it was absolutely the more stressful part of  planning our road trip.

Also, I worried about if my kids would actually like it. I worried that Bug was too old to be interested in any Disney related. I worried that Duck was too young to enjoy anything.

Initially, I had planned on staying at one of the more affordable Disney Resort hotels, such as the Pop Century or the All Star Movies Resort. But some friends who regularly visit Disney World recommended that we stay at a hotel along the Monorail course. They promised it would make transportation to the parks much easier, and would be worth the extra cost.

So I took a deep breath and made our reservation for the Polynesian Village Resort.

Let me just cut to the main point.  

We loved it. We loved everything about our time in Disney World. We would do it again. 

Here's what we loved (and Disney isn't paying me anything to say this - although I really wish they were):

We loved the Polynesian. Attention is paid to every detail so it felt like we were at a gorgeous hotel on a tropical island.  The hotel is just across the lagoon from the Magic Kingdom, so we could get to the park either by Monorail or by boat, both of which only took a few minutes. The pool, with it's volcano waterslide, was perfect. There was a small beach where they did campfires with s'mores in the evening. At night, they set up an outdoor screen and showed movies.  

My favorite memory may be sitting on beach chairs with my boys, watching Lilo and Stich outside. They paused the movie so we would watch the firework show at the Magic Kingdom, which we could see perfectly from the beach.

There was some construction going on at the Polynesian. We knew this when we booked our hotel. There was some extra noise associated with this (all in the day time) and some paths were closed, making it a little inconvenient to get to the on site laundry facilities. But absolutely no other complaints.

We loved the restaurants. We did breakfast at the Ohana Buffet one day, complete with visits from Lilo, Stitch, Mickey, and Goofy. The next day, we breakfasted at the Kona Cafe. The Tonga Toast, the enormous creation of deep fried, cinnamon sugared coated French toast stuffed with bananas, was amazing. Also, they were amazing about Duck's need for gluten free food. Each place we ate, they asked about food allergies. When we mentioned being gluten free, the chef would come and talk to us about options. They provided Duck with gluten free waffles that were delicious.

We loved the Monorail; I couldn't believe how quickly we were able to get from our hotel to the park. The ease of transportation allowed one of us to take Duck back to the hotel for his afternoon nap and   Our first day was cut short by a torrential rainstorm that caused most the rides to close down. Even our ponchos were little use against the downpour. We took our dissappointed children back to the hotel and changed everyone out of their soaked clothes, putting on pajamas at 4 pm. The rain stopped late in the evening. So at 9 pm, we headed back to the park and stayed until almost closing, enjoying going on all the rides in our pajamas. If we had had a 30-40 minute bus ride from one of the other hotels, this wouldn't have been possible.

We loved the Magic Bands. This is something new that Disney has started doing. These personalized wrist bands act as park admission tickets, FassPass access, and hotel door keys. My boys absolutely loved holding their bands up to the scanners on our FassPass rides, watching the scanners turn green, and then running on. We were also able to set it up so that Hubster and I could use our Magic Bands for purchasing items. This allowed us to buy food and souveniers in the parks, while leaving our wallets safely behind in our hotel room. 

We loved all the people who worked at Disney (or the "cast members" as Disney calls them.) They are paid to be nice to you, and they are. From housekeeping to waiters to ride attendants, everyone was just lovely.

We loved the parks themselves. We decided to visit Magic Kingdom and Animal Kingdom. The Magic Kingdom has all the rides I remember as a child and was incredibly nostalgic. And all three of my boys loved the rides. Duck loved It's a Small World and Peter Pan and Adventures of Winnie the Pooh, but mostly the Carousel. Bug loved the Buzz Lightyear ride. Monkey surprised us all with his adventurous side and loved all the roller coasters, especially Space Mountain. 

Animal Kingdom was completely new for us. We like that it was less crowded and smaller than the Magic Kingdom, allowing us to do everything in less time. We loved the train and the safari rides and all the animals. 

Things I would have done differently:

I probably would have bought a meal plan. We ended up spending almost the same amount of money on food anyways, and we would have got the endless refillable drinks in the parks. Because with the heat and the running around, my boys were constantly thirsty.

I would have booked earlier. We booked a few weeks out and trying to make meal reservations was difficult. At the Polynesia, the only dinner reservation times left were after 8 pm. So we ended up not doing any dinners at restaurants at our hotel.

I would try to go during a less popular time. Especially at the Magic Kingdom, it was packed. We anticipated this and dealt with it just fine. But it would be nice to go again when it wasn't peak visiting season.

Overall, I feel like I can't say it enough: We loved our time at Disney. All my concerns that it was too touristy, too cliched, just too much, all those concerns amounted to nothing, because those couple days were some of my boys' favorite days of our entire trip. 

Mostly, I love the memories we made. From movies on the beach to nighttime roller coaster rides in our pajamas to the expressions on my children's faces.  This may have been the most expensive portion of our summer road trip, but those memories are priceless.

20 Months

It's been several months since I've formally sat down and documented Duck's changes. Because that's what he does. He changes. On nearly a daily basis. Each day brings something new and leaves something else behind.

Already, we've left behind things that I love. The way he would smack his lips when he wanted something to eat. The way he held still for cuddles (instead of constantly trying to climb up me and sit on my head.) The way he clapped every time I finished singing him a song. And so many more little things that have already faded.

At 20 months, Duck...

Has figured out doors and door knobs. Not always quite tall enough to open them all, but can escape out the front door without difficulty.

Talks all the time. Favorite words are cheese, wa-wa (water), bike, walk, outside, daddy, and mama. And he says mama so crystal clear, I love it.

Won't say or even attempt to say either of his brothers' names. But adores them both so much.

Makes most animal sounds.

Loves books. Loves being read to, or reading to himself. Favorite books are Good Night Moon, Bear Snores On, Little Blue Truck, Very Hungry Caterpillar, and I Am A Bunny.

Makes a very loud and accurate siren sound anytime he sees anything remotely resembling a fire truck or a police car.

Loves swimming. He is always trying to get me to let go of him so he can swim by himself; no matter that the water is 3 feet deep and he can't actually swim.

Favorite foods are popcicles, apples, waffles (gluten free, obviously), watermelon, and handfuls of ranch dressing.

Will still let me rock him to sleep.

Will not be nice to the kittens.

Loves going on walks, especially in his stroller. He is still an excellent running partner.

Strongly dislikes brownies, potatoes, and eggs.

Is my blondest, busiest, noisiest, cuddliest baby ever.

Adventures in Gluten-Free Eating

In the month since Duck with diagnosed with celiac disease and we decided to go gluten free, I've learned so much.

Such as there probably won't be any gluten free bread that comes close to regular bread.

That gluten is hiding in everything - ice cream, hot dogs, and french fries.

And that eating out is a completely miserable experience.

But, seriously, it is worth it. Even when I totally ruin dinner and realize that I can't just go order a cheap pizza, or get takeout fried chicken.

Even after multiple failed meals, it's still worth it.

In the month since eliminating gluten, Duck has started talking. Really talking. He said a few things before, but at 18 months of age, said less than 10 words. Now, he says a new word almost every day. He's started using full phrases. He babbles. He sleeps better.

At first, I wasn't sure there was a correlation. It could have just been a coincidence. It may have been that the age of 19 months was just going to be Duck's time to talk. But as his speech continues to improve, I'm growing more and more convinced that his previous delay was related to his celiac disease. Now, the potential speech therapy appointment that our pediatrician was strongly suggesting is no longer needed.

Duck isn't gaining weight in the leaps and bounds that I had hoped for, but he is not losing weight any more.

So I know that it is worth it. That still doesn't make it easy.

The only thing I can compare my attempts at gluten free cooking to are my cooking attempts when I was first married. I tried so hard, so wanting all my meals to be wonderful and my new husband to be able to brag about the phenomenal cooking his wife did. But there were so many times, dinner would be painfully swallowed and bowls pushed back, still mostly full, always with the compliments of "Thanks so much for dinner."

That's how it is now.

I want gluten free eating to be easy for my family. Especially for the ones I'm making go gluten free when they don't have to.

I'm doing my best to recreate favorite family meals. I'm researching recipes and flour blends and meeting with nutritionists and reading product reviews.  I want all the effort to pay off.

The meal with the mac and cheese was probably the low point. Mac and cheese is a favorite meal for our boys and everyone was excited to have some for dinner. The kitchen was filled with the smells of delicious cheese sauce. All the enthusiasm died once we actually started to eat. The noodles had a strange texture. The sauce, on cooling even a little, became very gelatinous.

Monkey took one bite and then turned to me.  "Thank you very much for making this dinner, Mom, but may I please be excused?"

At least he has good manners.

We've had a couple other less than successful meals. The pizza was just ok. The biscuits were tolerable.  The muffins were mostly edible.

Thankfully, I've found a stellar pancake recipe.  It tastes just like my old pancake recipe and no one, not even my picky eating older boys has noticed the difference.

So that leaves one meal taken care of. Only 20 other meals a week to worry about.

There's still a long way to go before we feel comfortable with our new diet. But we are learning every day, not repeating any of the mistakes twice, and listening to Duck's newest found word, "Yucky!"