Lately, I'm frequently finding myself distracted, anxious, and stressed. We just finished up a two week school break, and on the last evening, I found myself wondering where all that time had gone. I worried that I had squandered it on meaningless little errands, internet cat videos, and generalized busyness.
Reflecting on that feeling led me to my 2015 word of the year.
That is how I want to live this next year.
I want to be present with my children. I want to turn off the phone, the television, the radio and fully focus on them. I want to actually listen to all their stories. I want to take the time to read with them, play games with them. I want to marvel in how they grow and change each day. I want to sit on the floor, at their level, and really be there for them.
I want to be present in the now. I want to let go of the anxiety I have for the future. Some stress is inevitable. I don't need to make it worse by focusing all my energy on it. I want to plan for what I'm able to and just deal with what else arrives when I have to. I want to look forward to the future and what it holds without spending my today worrying about potential troubles.
I want to be present with myself. I want to fully enjoy what it is I'm doing, and stop feeling guilty about the things I think I should be doing. I want to just read my book without thinking about how I should be dusting. I want to enjoy my run without thinking about how far I wish I could go or how many calories I'd like to burn. I want to
I want to be present in my life. I want to remember to realize how wonderful my life is right now. I don't have to wait to be happy until Hubster is done with school, or until our student loans are paid off, or until we find the perfect job or the perfect house, or until I'm the perfect weight. I want to enjoy the present, the right now, just as things are.
This is my life.
And I will be present in it.