High School Musical

I would like to give a shout out to my younger siblings (well, they're all younger.)

I just went to see my brother, Christian, and my sister, Mercy, in their high school production of Hello Dolly. I know that many of you also went to see the play.


Christian was Barnaby Tucker.

And the play was fantastic. The singing was great, and the costumes were fantastic. It was the best high school musical I have been to. And it is not just lip service because they are my siblings. I've been humming "Put on Your Sunday Clothes" and "Hello Dolly" ever since.

I would also like to "publicly" congratulate Christian on his first place win in his division at the Utah Shakespeare Competition. I know that it was a couple of months ago, but still. Congratulations, Christian!

I have very talented siblings.

I recognize that there has been a slight post drought lately.

Between being gone...

Views near Aneth, UT

Looking back towards Montezuma Creek, UT

My dad with "his" dog

And the cold weather, and the earlier darkness, we have not been able to get out and do anything lately. The craziness that is residency application ends in a few months. Things will be much more interesting after that!

The Female Ego

We hear a lot, A LOT, about the male ego.

And supposedly this explains the majority of their behavior. Anything from problem fixing, chest thumping, job ambition, remote controlling, and door opening all arises from the sometimes frail male ego.

But we never hear about the female ego.

I never thought about my own personal ego until about 5 years ago. Before this, my feelings go hurt, I studied hard, and tried to fix my friends problems, not from an ego stand point, but because I was female and I was me.

I first became aware that I had an ego just as fragile and ambitious as any male when I went to medical school.

As an undergraduate, I think that all pre-med students are used to being at the top of their classes. I know that I was. I did better than most other students and had the grades to show for it.

So I entered medical school with these same expectations, even though I don't think I had ever given them the time of day to properly define them.

However, after our first anatomy exam, I scored right in the middle of our class.

And at that time, I realized that I am only an average smart person.

My egotistically way around this was to study harder than the above average smart people. And it paid off for the most part.

I am writing about this because I just had another run in with my ego. I got my first interview rejection. I wasn't necessarily bothered by it. I hadn't planned on interviewing at Stanford anyway. (And honestly, I'm not just saying this because they turned me down). The cost of living is ridiculous in Palo Alto, and there is no way to afford a home that my family desperately needs. But I wondered why the rejection carried with it a little bit of a sting. Being completely honest, that's because I liked to think of myself as Stanford material. And to have Stanford tell me I'm not hurts my ego.

I'm going to go nurse it with some plane tickets to a program that wants me.

Two Places at Once

There is a problem with having two blogs.

When I initially started blogging, I, like so many other busy parents, started one to keep friends and family updated on the comings and goings and life-happenings of my little family. I regularly post photos, school events, and birthday parties on my family blog.

(I have also poked and prodded nearly all of my family members to start blogging as well, so that I can keep up with what is going on in their lives. It so far, has been to no avail. Although three of them have set a blog, none of them have posted since the day they first logged on.

But that is neither here nor there...Just a continuation of my guilt trip.)

I initially started this particular project when I felt that I had more to share than was appropriate on a family newsletter type blog. I wanted a place to talk about books, poetry, quotes in particular, random thoughts and life in general.

And it has been great so far, each blog respectfully maintaining its boundaries.

But I find that there are some topics that don't pigeon hole as nicely as I would like them too. Do I talk about the election on this blog or the family blog? (I decided to write on both.)

When I am feeling overwhelmed by the joy and struggles of parenthood and career and marriage, do those thoughts belong to my family, or to the more anonymous world of this blog? I'm not sure.

The blogs have more defined roles than my thoughts do.

While I work that out, I will share this.

That I am fiercely proud of my children. Even now, after and in the midst of the messes, power struggles, teething, and frustrations, I am deeply in love with them. I tear up when I am presented with drawings done especially for me. I feel the heart crushing pride at each new idea, statement, leap of faith, and step of independence.

I love my children.

Heart Swell

Right now, I am almost 400 miles, 6 hours by car, away from home.

I am finishing up my last week on the Navajo Reservation working on my project about diabetes among the Navajo. You know, a nice, small, easily definable topic (please note the sacrasm).

I just realized that this may be my last time that I ever come here. While it is not the most beautiful place in the world, the people are amazing, the history and culture deeper than I will ever be able to comprehend.

I just got off the phone from saying good night to my darling boys. I can't believe how grown up they sound on the phone, when they are stripped away of the visual misperceptions I have, that they are still babies and it is 2 years, 6 years ago, and nothing ever changes.

Blaise chatters in his sweet voice that he painted at school. He, still requiring a little coaching from Keith, says "Love you Mama," and "Good-bye" before his two year old attention is called back to the couch cushions.

Roman tells me which state flag he is currently coloring. (Are there other six year old boys who ask for a print out of all the state flags so that he can color a few of them each night?)

Our conversation:
Roman: I'm drawing South Carolina's flag.
Me: Oh, really. Guess what? I'm going to be going to South Carolina in a couple of weeks.
Roman: Wow! Really? Pause. Do they speak a different language in South Carolina?

I ask him how his spelling test practice is going.
Roman: Hey guess what?! I can spell animal!
Me: Really! That's great. How do you spell it?
Roman: A-L, no wait, I messed up, A-N... Well, I know what it looks like. It looks like "an-I-mAle." And I'm still having trouble with "flower."

I can't believe that I can have conversations, REAL conversations with my son. How did the time ever get by me so fast? I still get the feeling I wasn't watching close enough. And suddenly, I am having conversation about how much he likes the Utes football uniforms because they are black.

And there is only one way to describe the funny ache in my chest that is a combination of overwhelming love for my children, the pride I have in them, and the pain and glory of watching them grow up:

Heart swell.

Yes We Can

I have attempted to make this blog a random collection of thoughts, opinions, and self-reflection.

I have attempted to avoid politics (despite how much I talk about them personally).

But tonight, I will say that I feel priviledged to have seen America come together and vote a black man into the highest position in the United States.

Regardless if you are for Obama or McCain, big government or small government, for the war or against it, this is an amazing milestone in not only our history, but the history of the world.

I know that there is no perfect politician. That promises made on the campaign trail are mostly empty. That there is more red tape and interia against change than there is for it.

But I will say that when I listen to now President Obama speak, that for the first time I can remember, I feel hope. That things will get better. That I can stop being so afraid of what the future has to offer my children. That finally, I have reason to believe that we can make a better world.

And nothing has made me feel like that in a very, very long time.

Having been raised in a extrememly "red" state, by conservative parents, I have always considered myself conservative, right-winged, red, or any other label you would choose to put on it.

But today, I am proud to have contibuted to what I feel is finally, a reason to hope.

Yes we can.

Historic Moment

I have seen something happen that I did not think would happen in my lifetime.

I wasn't born when women won the right to vote. I was not alive during the Civil Rights movement. I was too young to remember the Berlin Wall coming down. I felt that with so many historical moments in the past, that there was little I could imagine happening in my lifetime.

But I have seen that America elect the first black president.

However you voted today, whatever your opinion about Barack Obama, whatever your view on the war, the economy, healthcare, or education, you have all seen history made.

I will be able to tell my boys, although they are too young to remember it, that it happened in their lifetime.

And that is truly great.

Tickle Me Pink, or blue, or yellow...

Apparently, I have a lot of free time on my hands.

I don't really, I just think I do.

Apparently, I have time to read random blogs, take online personality tests, and watch cooking competitions. So really, I should have time to put away the growing pile of laundry, write my research paper, finish some of my art projects, and cook dinner.

However, is there anything better than online personality tests? This one is interesting, since it is based on colors. Apparently that fact that I like blue more than purple, and lime green more than gold says a lot.

Like that I'm an "Organizer" and a "Persuader."

My husband's only comment: "You really need a test to tell you that?"