Sunday, November 9, 2008

The Female Ego

We hear a lot, A LOT, about the male ego.

And supposedly this explains the majority of their behavior. Anything from problem fixing, chest thumping, job ambition, remote controlling, and door opening all arises from the sometimes frail male ego.

But we never hear about the female ego.

I never thought about my own personal ego until about 5 years ago. Before this, my feelings go hurt, I studied hard, and tried to fix my friends problems, not from an ego stand point, but because I was female and I was me.

I first became aware that I had an ego just as fragile and ambitious as any male when I went to medical school.

As an undergraduate, I think that all pre-med students are used to being at the top of their classes. I know that I was. I did better than most other students and had the grades to show for it.

So I entered medical school with these same expectations, even though I don't think I had ever given them the time of day to properly define them.

However, after our first anatomy exam, I scored right in the middle of our class.

And at that time, I realized that I am only an average smart person.

My egotistically way around this was to study harder than the above average smart people. And it paid off for the most part.

I am writing about this because I just had another run in with my ego. I got my first interview rejection. I wasn't necessarily bothered by it. I hadn't planned on interviewing at Stanford anyway. (And honestly, I'm not just saying this because they turned me down). The cost of living is ridiculous in Palo Alto, and there is no way to afford a home that my family desperately needs. But I wondered why the rejection carried with it a little bit of a sting. Being completely honest, that's because I liked to think of myself as Stanford material. And to have Stanford tell me I'm not hurts my ego.

I'm going to go nurse it with some plane tickets to a program that wants me.

1 comment:

  1. Wow again. You kept me smiling, laughing; proud of you and the clear way you say things while keeping your heart open.