Road Trip Reminiscing

We just got home from a summer road trip that covered 10 states, 3500+ miles, and 11 days.

 

 

(We missed a few welcome signs - naps happen.)

It sounds like it could have been exhausting. But on arriving home, I didn't feel the usual harried exhaustion from travel. I felt that I wanted that time to last longer. The five of us had logged 70 hours of drive time, and I kept wishing for more.

Months ago, when Hubster and I were able to have two weeks off at the same time over the summer, we knew that we had to do a great vacation. We threw around a lot of ideas: a week at a lakeside cabin, staying home and doing projects around the house, or a road trip to see parts of the country we hadn't. It didn't take long to decide that the road trip was the way to go.

When we told people our plans to spend all that time in our van with three children, the looks questioning our sanity were anticipated. However, all our boys are great travelers. Last year, Hubster taken the boys on a 3000 mile round trip to visit his family in Montana. We learned a lot about road tripping from that, and we were well prepared for this.

At some later point, I'll share my ideas for surviving days in the car with children.

But what I really what to share is all the wonderful memories we made on this trip.  Images and feels that are currently so sharp in my mind that I must write them down to keep them that way.

From our home in Iowa, we drove east, stopping at Indianapolis, then driving down through Lexington to Gatlinburg, Tennessee. We stayed for a day at the Great Smoky Mountains. From there, we drove down through South Carolina, through Georgia, to Orlando. Two days at Disney World, and then we were on to two days in Sarasota. From there, we went north, through Atlanta, Nashville, St. Louis, and back home.

We saw so much of our country we'd never seen before.  We made amazing memories.

Stopping at the Indianapolis Speedway - after it closed.

Standing outside Churchill Downs, being so tempted to take a tour so we could see the race track, but being detoured by a small meltdown from Duck and the promise of putt putt golf in Tennessee.

Playing putt putt golf down a hillside.

 

Coming around a bend in the road and seeing such breath taking views of the Great Smoky Mountains that I almost cried.

Hiking to waterfalls through forests thick with blooming rhododendrons.

 

Catching salamanders in streams with Monkey.

Stopping at a cemetery in Savannah, the trees covered with Spanish moss.

Walking over powder soft sand and seeing my boys faces as they saw the Atlantic Ocean for the first time.

Bug and Monkey running out into the waves of the ocean, fully dressed, in their excitement to get in the water.

Arriving at Disney World and all the excitement associated with it.

 Riding Space Mountain with Monkey and discovering his fearless side.

 
Our day at Magic Kingdom cut short by a torrential rain storm. That evening, going back to the park at 9 pm in our pajamas and staying almost until closing.

Watching Disney movies outside by the pool at our Disney hotel with Bug, while Monkey went down the water slide 61 times (yes, he was counting.)

The water, clear water at Siesta Key Beach by Sarasota, along with the amazing white quartz sand that stayed cool under our feet.

Bug attempting to snorkel to see all the fish swimming by us, while Monkey ran in sheer panic away from any fish that came close to him.

Seeing alligators in a muggy Florida swamp.

Warm dinners under palm trees.

 

Arriving in Atlanta with initial plans to keep heading north in the morning, but deciding that taking our time and spending a day at the Georgia Aquarium was worth extending our trip. 

Not regretting that decision one bit.

Road side stand peaches in Georgia.

BBQ at a lovely park in Nashville.

Picnicking and skipping rocks at Land Between The Lakes in Kentucky.

 Ted Drewes Frozen Custard in St. Louis.

Stopping at all the state Capitol Buildings.

 

 

Honking as we drove over state lines.

Handing the boys Skittles for memorizing state capitols and nicknames.

As we hit the Iowa state line and approached home, we were both grateful to at the thought of arriving home and sleeping in our own bed.  But Hubster and I already had the road atlas out, dreaming up future trips and adventures.  Looking over the maps, we realize that there is no way we can see all of it - and that just our own country. But it doesn't mean we shouldn't try.

Twelve

Dear Bug,

I've spent a long time being scared of you reaching adolescence. I just finally got the whole baby/toddler/little boy thing down - well, not down, but at least to a point where I didn't feel each day handed me a total blindside. So I get that part down and start to feel comfortable, and then you seem insistent on leaving it behind and dragging us into brand new territory.

But can I say that so far, I adore 12. I've had so many favorite ages: you as a cooing 6 month old. You as a chatty, inquisitive 4 year old, you as a voraciously learning 6 year old.

I'm going to add 12 to my list of favorites.

 

At 12, you are thoughtful.

You are always asking me if you can do anything to help. You come up and give me hugs when you can tell I've had a stressful day. You unload the dishwasher and play with Duck without (almost) a complaint.

At 12, you are humble.

You never brag.  At the end of the school year, you competed in a running club race. I couldn't be there to watch. When I picked you up that afternoon and asked how the race went, you replied, "Fine. I ran it in 7 minutes 40 seconds." That was it. No amount of prompting could elicit more details. I found out from one of the other moms that you had won the race. When I congratuled you, you just shrugged and gave me a sheepish smile. I found out you had been awarded a student excellence award from the school newsletter. You never said a thing.

You never ask for anything. When I tried to push you for what kind of birthday cake you wanted or what gifts you wanted, you just said you liked to be surprised and that you've always loved the things I've made for you.

At 12, you are more interesting than ever.

We are starting to share the same interests. We talk about Hunger Game and Harry Potter books. We watch Doctor Who together. We listen to the same music. I'm always worried that you'll see me sharing the same interests that you do as some lame attempt to be the "cool mom." But you don't seem to mind and maybe, just maybe, actually enjoy the time we get to spend together.

At 12, you are sarcastic and funny.

I have no idea where your snark comes from (*cough*). But it's definitely well developed.

At 12, you are handsome, and smart, and responsible...

Well, you've always been those things. I'm just so glad that you continue to be those things.

Yep, 12 is definitely one of my favorite ages.

Love,
Mom

Questions, Answers, and Gluten

My children have always been small. We always joke about the boys hanging onto the last rung of the growth curve. My boys are twig limbed and bony backed things. Bug jokes himself about always competing for shortest kid in his class.

So when Duck started off measure small, I didn't worry about it. After all, he was cuddly and cute and meeting all his milestones, even crawling and walking much earlier than his two older brothers.

But around nine months of age, the baby boy who started small started to get smaller. He started eating poorly, taking less in at meals and then refusing more and more foods. His weight gain slowed, then his length started slowing.  This spring, he started loosing weight, falling completely off the growth chart.

We tried everything. We tried butter on everything, as many high calorie food as we could think of, having food available at all times. We went through multiple blood tests and urine tests and referrals to specialists. Nothing gave us any answers to why our sweet boy continued to get smaller and thinner. All his blood work was completely normal; no metabolic problems, no anemia, no signs of infection or inflammation. The specialists reassured as that, other than being thin, Duck looked wonderful.

They say when kids are hungry, they will eat. Duck proved to us that wasn't true. There were times we could tell he was hungry, but he wouldn't eat. He'd be fussy and sleep poorly, but would only take half a bottle, or a few sips of juice, or a single cracker.

Meal times became increasingly stressful, often ending with someone crying, usually me. We couldn't allow the older boys to have juice or milk or water at the table, because Duck would refuse any solid food the moment he saw something to drink.

During this time, I felt like a failure as a parent. Friends would post pictures of their babies, children with gorgeous round faces, big cheeks and dimpled legs and arms. My baby was scrawny and not a dimple to be seen.

Doctor after doctor would say, "Well, have you tried...?" Fill in the blank with anything you can think of.  Had I tried not giving him juice, making him eat, not giving him snacks, only offering this food or that food, actually feeding him?  I felt discouraged, judged, and angry.

During all this time, Duck continued to reach milestones, running, kicking and throwing balls, reading to himself, using more words and signs, dancing, making animal noises. Over all, the boy seems oblivious to the amount of anxiety caused by his disinterest in food.

Several weeks ago, we saw a gastroenterologist who recommended that Duck undergo an endoscopy. Knowing that Duck's blood work has been normal, I didn't think the endoscopy was likely to show anything. But I was desperate for answers.

A week later, I helped hold my baby down for an IV placement, and watched him placed under sedation for his procedure. 15 minutes later, the GI doc came and showed me endoscopy images that showed perfectly normal esophagus, stomach, and duodenum. He told me he had taken some biopsy samples; we would have the results in a week. But everything looked perfectly normal.

We resigned ourselves that his poor eating was probably behavioral. We met with a feeding psychologist who gave us some great advice.

Late last week, I got a phone call from the GI doctor that Duck's biopsy results had come back, showing the stereotypical changes of celiac disease.

So now we are a (mostly) gluten free family with a completely gluten free baby.

Hubster and I decided it would be easier if we made the change as a family so that meal preparations would be easier and Duck wouldn't feel left out. Due to the amount of tears by the older boys at the idea of losing some of their favorite foods, I agreed that their birthday cakes wouldn't be gluten free and they could still occasional have "normal" foods.

We have already noticed Duck eating much better. We're hoping sleeping better isn't too far behind.

Everyone around has been wonderful. Duck's daycare went through their entire menu, checking ingredients on everything and highlighting everything with gluten so that we know when to bring in substitutions. Friends with celiac disease have given us recommendations about which brands of gluten free pasta and breads to use and which restaurants have good gluten free options.

Gluten free is something of a fad these days. While I had been rolling my eyes at this, as I do most diet fads, now I'm extremely grateful, because there are so many options available. Our grocery store has an entire gluten free aisle.

Initially, this felt overwhelming. However, with all the support, all the information, all the options, this answer has been manageable. It's wonderful to have answers, instead of questioning my parenting ability.

And turns out, the entire family likes gluten free pancakes.

If any of you have had experience with celiac disease and living gluten free, I'm still desperate for more advice, more ideas, and any good recipes.

13 Reasons My Marriage Works

Hubster and I celebrated our 13th wedding anniversary last month.

Instead of that making me feel very old, it just makes me realize how very, very young we were when we did get married.

Thirteen years is a pretty long time, especially in these days of high divorce rates. Thirteen years might even be enough time to become an expect in something. Except I don't feel like an expect on marriage. I don't feel that I can give marriage advice to other people. The only thing that the last thirteen years have made me an expert on is my own marriage.

Even that might be overstating it. I still make mistakes. I'm still constantly learning new things about Hubster and myself. We both continue to change and grow. Our lives, our children, our surroundings, our careers have changed. Our relationship has changed.

But here is what I can say, without any reservation: I love being married. For me, the happily ever after part of our love story has been my favorite part.

In honor of thirteen years of happily ever after, I'll share thirteen things that make my marriage work. These things may only apply to my marriage with Hubster, because that is the only marriage I've had any experience with, the only one that I'm good at. Another relationship, with different personalities and different experiences, may thrive on different things. But just in case you were wondering, these are the things that have made our journey together wonderful.

1. We enjoy doing things together.

This seems like an obvious one, but it's not always. It's really easy at the beginning to want to do everything together, only to find out later that while you love each other, you don't necessarily like all the same things. It's still important to continue to do things together. We play Scrabble. We read the same books and talk about them. We watch the same shows together: I've watched college football and learned the rules of the game and he's watched cooking shows and learned the definition of aoili. Even though I don't always want to watch sports and he probably would prefer not to watch another cooking competition, we recognize the time together is more important than controlling the remote. And after all these years, I actually like a good college bowl game.

2. We enjoy doing things alone.

Just as important as doing things together is having some individual time. Hubster plays golf. I do not go play golf with him because I know he needs that time to himself, to create a portion on himself that doesn't belong to his relationship, to his family. I run. Hubster does not run with me. That time by myself is valuable. We recognize this, encourage this, and don't get our feelings hurt by it.

3. We don't keep score.

I often struggle with this. There are days when I'm sure that I have done more chores, gotten less sleep, and feel more stressed. It's easy to feel like that during hard days. But there have been so many days in the past thirteen years that I know he has done more than his share. Keeping score just builds resentment. What if there reallly was someone who was actually keeping a true score and it turns out I was the one who was behind? I wouldn't want Hubster to hold that against me, because I feel that I'm doing my best. So, we both just do what we can of what needs to be done and don't begrudge the other person.

4. We recognize that we are in this together.

Our lives are often busy, hectic, and stressful. We've seen huge changes and overcome difficult times. I strongly believe that the only way we have been able to get through the things we have is because we had each other. It wasn't "me" getting through medical school and residency, it was us. It isn't Hubster getting through dental school; we are getting through dental school. It's not Hubster or myself trying to raise three boys; we both are raising these children. We both have made sacrifices for the other person. But no matter what, we are doing this together.

5. We don't talk about each other to our friends, unless it's good.

Hubster and I have had our share of rough moments. But I don't share them with other people. I don't talk about the things he does that annoy me, not with my friends, not with my mother. There are many reasons for this. First, I love him and I want other people to think well of him. If your own spouse has negative things to say about you, why would anyone else speak highly of you? Secondly, most the negative things we would say are only temporary irritations. Speaking them out loud to others gives them more significance, more weight. It becomes harder to just let it go. Third, it hurts the trust in the relationship. Marriage should be a place where you can be completely yourself, with all your weaknesses and shortcomings. That vulnerability should be honored, not exposed to critics. However, I come home to Hubster cooking dinner and washing dishes, while baby-wearing and singing 80s hair band ballads and realize for the billionth time what an awesome person I'm married to, you bet I'm sharing that. Hubster rocking his dental school finals totally gets bragged about.

6. We laugh.

We laugh all the time. With each other. Sometimes at each other. We have our own marriage dialect that is a combination of movie quotes, song lyrics, commerical lines, and inside jokes. We tease each other.  Often we have a hard time being serious. Approaching life, and each other, with a sense of humor definitely makes even the hardest times easier.

7. We take care of each other.

Hubster fills my car with gas. I take the boys out of the house while he is studying for exams. If one person is very stressed, the other person will make meals or supervise bedtime. We know that the other person has our back and will pick up the slack when we feel like we just can't.


8. We don't watch the next episode of a show without the other person.

When people do ask for marriage advice from me, this is where I start. I don't give out the more traditional advice of never go to bed angry or always have regular date night, because sometimes those things just aren't possible. But watching an episode of Breaking Bad or Doctor Who or Modern Family without the other person...that's just mean. There's no excuse for that.

9. We don't fight.

I've heard it said multiple times that fighting is healthy for relationship. I absolutely disagree. Fighting is not healthy. I'm not saying Hubster and I always agree. We have our share of disagreements because we are two different people. But we talk through them, instead of fighting. We don't yell, slam doors, call names, throw things, or belittle. Attacking the person who is supposed to be your biggest advocate can never be a positive thing.

10. We tell each other we love each other.

Every morning, every evening, at bedtime, through random texts or notes, we make sure there is never any doubt. Admittedly, there are tough times when it feels like just going through the motions. But there are other days when it means so much to hear it. We never want to be find ourselves trying to remember when the last time was when we told the other person that we loved them.

11. We flirt.

They say you should continue to date each other even after marriage. With two busy careers and three kids, a regular date night isn't always possible. But dating didn't just mean going to restaurants. It meant trying to impress the other person and let them know how attractive you thought they were. That's what we do. We flirt. We play footsies under the table at dinner. We cuddle on the couch. We sneak a quick kiss on the way back doing laundry. We continue to let the other person know we're interested in them.

12. We reminisce.

Our computer screen saver is our photo album. Often we find ourselves pausing in front of the screen while images and snapshots of our lives together slide one after another: our children as babies, family vacations, birthday parties, celebrations, candid wedding scenes. We often talk to each other and our children about all the places we lived and the things we've done. We retell the hard times of medical school and residency, the tough and beautiful times of each child's infancy. We have so many happy memories and have been through so much together. It's grounding, to look back and remember how much we have done together.

13. We plan.

We plan trips. We talk about future job changes. We make new goals. We continue to plan what the rest of our lives will look like and what we want to do together. Having something to look forward to, something we are both working towards reinforces the feeling of being a team, of being there for each other.

__________________________________________________


So many people say that marriage is hard work. I don't think it should be hard work all the time. Marriage should be a partnership, a friendship, an adventure, and the happily ever after we all want.

These are the things that make that true for us. What things have you found that make your relationships work?

A Bad Case of Wanderlust

I'm starting to get some seriously itchy feet. The open road, some remote tropical beach, unknown cities - they are all calling my name.

I've always wanted to travel. When I make a bucket list, nearly every item on that list involves traveling. I can't think of a single place that I wouldn't love to visit and learn more about. Greenland, the Middle East, the Sahara, Siberia. Sure, I'd go there.

I've got my dream locations. Italy, the Virgin Islands, Australia, Thialand, Belize, Egypt, Greece, China. But honestly, I'd be happy going anywhere, just as long as I'm going.

I often feel that I've never been anywhere. Obviously, that's not true. Just because I've never been anywhere that required a passport doesn't mean that I haven't traveled. I've been to Vancouver Island, the Bahamas, and almost half of the US states. 

But there is so much more to see.

For the last several years, we've been significantly restrained by tight budgets and even tighter schedules.  But I didn't let that stop us from exploring. We've visiting many local spots, as many state parks and forests and sites as I can find. We've visited nearly every major city within a day's drive from us.  Traveling doesn't have to be expensive or exotic. Our boys have loved our trips to tube down rivers, to explore caves, to hike through forests, see historic places. 

But now that I have a little more time on my hand, the rest of the world is starting to call a little louder. 

I spend ridiculous amounts of time planning island get aways, researching cities in Europe, checking ticket prices to Africa. I know exactly which beach house I want to in Hawaii.

All those trips are still just day dreams. With Hubster still in training, the miniscule dent we've made in my student loans, and three small children, my world tour can't start just yet.

This summer, however, we have two whole glorious weeks of vacation, all of us off at the same time. And I know just what we'll do. We'll pack the mini van to bursting, open the road atlas, and hit the open road, traveling through states we've never been to, hiking through forests, eating local foods, finding beaches to play on.  

Unknown places are calling to me, and I'm going to answer.

Capturing the Memories

Sunday afternoon is warm and sunny, idyllic mid May weather. Monkey and Bug are chasing each other around the yard in some made up game that includes several soccer balls and water guns. Their knees are heavily grass stained from dramatic falls onto the lawn that is still thick and green from all our April rain. 

I'm sitting on our red tree swing, with Duck on my lap. He is slightly sticky from a popcicle he devoured earlier, the front of his shirt tinged pink from the juice and I have no idea if it will come out in the wash.

We swing back and forth, Duck's blonde little head pressed tight against my chest, his little baby hands grabbing the white swing ropes just below mine. I wrap one arm about him as we go higher. I kick at the maple leaves on some low branches in front of us and Duck breaks into giggles. As we continue to swing and I continue to kick at the leaves with each swing forward, the giggles change into full toddler belly laughes that I can't help but laughing with.

That's how I spent my afternoon, swinging with Duck on my lap, listening to my older boys run and shout. Every one laughed. The sun fell in dappled patterns through the tree leaves. The snowball bush was starting to bloom. The first hummingbird I've seen this year zipped back and forth over the yard.

It was as close to perfect as a day gets. 

In a few months, I probably won't remember it. I may remember that we spent days in the back yard together, that we occasionally would swing together. But all the details - the exact size and weight of Duck in my arms, the way his pale cream and blue striped shirt accented his ever lightening hair, how exactly high Bug and Monkey come up to me, how their laughs sound at this age - all those details will fade, surer than the grass stains and popcicle drips come out in the wash.

Duck for sure won't remember the afternoons on the swing. Bug and Monkey won't remember the rules to their new game.

Right after Duck was born and I was home in his nursery, rocking him, a wall of emotion overcame me. It was a mix of sadness, panic, shock, and disbelief. I couldn't remember what it felt like holding Bug and Monkey when they were newborns. I remember the events of their births, and there are definitely memories of them growing up. But all the details, every thing that I try so hard to soak up on a daily basis, had retreated somewhere so far back in my mind I couldn't find it. The exact smell of their hair, the patterns on their feet, each silly sound and facial expression.

I'm taking a lot more pictures this time around. I'm making more videos. I'm documenting more.

There are people who scoff at the number of photographs parents take of their children, amassing hundreds or thousands of often blurry shots of every day events.  Maybe we do this because we understand how fleeting childhood is. Even if we aren't desperately longing for time to slow down, we understand that these beautiful moments won't last.

I know my children won't remember all the silly songs we sing. I know they won't remember reading A Very Hunger Caterpiller dozens of times each day. I know they won't remember each trip to the park and walk through the woods. I know they won't remember each piggy back ride to bed or story read in a blanket fort.  I know all these  beautiful moments will fade just as quickly for them as they have for me.

I'll keep right on doing all these things. We may not remember all the details, but we will remember that there were days that we were together and things were just beautiful.

I'll take too many pictures, write down little details, attempt to capture the memories, and continue to swing back and forth.

Smitten with Kittens

I feel tired most of the time. I'm pretty sure if people just left me alone, I could sleep 48 hours straight. I've felt this way for years.

Sometimes, being tired keeps me from doing things. Oh, there's a work function tonight? I think I'll just stay home and fall asleep on the couch. PTO meeting? Nope. Early bedtime instead.

Given my proclivity to just stay in bed every day, it's surprising that I keep taking on new projects.

Third baby? Why not? Not like we were sleeping anyways!

Huge basement remodel? Sounds like fun!

Enroll the boys in three different sports and two different clubs? Sure!

So, why not just continue the craziness and adopt two kittens?

The boys have been begging for a cat or a dog for the last several years. Apparently, our seven year old goldfish just wasn't quite rambuctious enough for them.

Prior to our move to Iowa, we lived in one apartment after another and pets were just out of question. Once we got to our current home, they started asking almost immediately. But it was always one thing after another: internship, residency, dental school, new baby, board exams.  No matter how much pleading the boys did, we were strong in our response that we were just too busy.

But the last year, we'd be softening our stance. Pets would be good for the boys. I just asked them to wait until after I took oral boards.

True to our word, earlier this week, we drove out to a farm where Hubster had been told there were kittens to adopt.

These two came home with us.

The boys have been absolutely smitten. 

Granted, they are loud, wild creatures. But the kittens are getting used to them. 

Already, the kittens are making themselves right at home and becoming a little less timid.  The boys are being incredibly responsible and have taken care of all kitten related responsibilities.

What was I so worried about?

The kittens haven't interferred with my nap time at all. In fact, we may actually be kindred spirits.