Today is the first day of school.
Last year, I missed the first day of school for the first time. I was working, so I wasn't there as Bug went off to third grade.
This year, I almost missed the first day of school again. Just the thought of not being there to see Bug and Monkey off to school would drive me to tears. Especially for Monkey, just starting kindergarten. The original plan was to have him at the before school program and then picked up by the nanny after school. Just the idea that no parent would be with him to see him into his classroom for the first time was almost unbearable. But, due to the fact that on my call night I spent several hours in the middle of the night at the hospital, I got today off! So, despite my complete sleep deprivation, I walked with both my boys through a slight drizzle of rain to see them off to school.
This year, amazingly enough, it's fourth grade for Bug. Just saying that out loud gives me a little panic feeling. How did he get to fourth grade already. It was just moments ago we were starting this whole school thing for the first time. I had thought that this year would be a little easier, since this will be his third year at this school.
However, for Bug, today held new anxieties. We've been telling him that he really needs to wear his glasses, but the fear and anxiety this causes almost made it impossible to get him out the door this morning. Once we compromised and decided he could have them in his backpack and use them during class, he instantly perked up and positively flew through preparations this morning.
The biggest change is that Monkey is now in kindergarten. This should be it, right? The moment where he is no longer a "baby" but an official "big kid." Well, it sure doesn't feel like it. Despite the fact he walked relatively confidently into his classroom, found his backpack hook and desk by himself, and sat quietly reading books, I couldn't quite see the big kid. All I could see was my baby, surrounded by other big kids.
There were no tears this morning. Chocolate chip pancakes and new shoes added excitement. Classrooms were found easily. Hugs were given. And at the ringing of the school bell, I resisted the urge to sneak back into Monkey's class to see how he was doing.
Did I say there were no tears this morning? I meant was there were no tears from the boys.