Today was the day I've been secretly dreading for the last two years.
Today Hubster started dental school.
And yes, I'll finally admit it. I've been dreading it. I look at his class schedules, his exam schedules, the study schedules, and I have to fight back the panic that flows up into my throat like vomit.
Don't misunderstand me. I'm so proud of Hubster. He has worked so hard. Getting accepted to dental school, especially this one, especially when this was the only one he applied to - this is all huge and wonderful and the fulfillment of so much planning, hard work, and sacrifice. It's been a hard road.
But in comparison, that was the easy part.
The next part is so much more difficult. The planning, hard work, and sacrifice are only just beginning.
Honestly, I've gotten used to our lives over the last two years. I've gotten used to having Hubster be home when I get home from work. I've gotten used to knowing that the boys are with their dad, and not at another babysitter or daycare. I've gotten used to the laundry, cleaning, and cooking actually getting done. While I wouldn't go as far as to call the last two years easy, I would say they have been relatively less stressful than many of the years that preceded.
Now we are back to complicated schedules. We are back to childcare, although this is way better than anything we had before. We are back to late night studying and cramming for exams. We are back to busy and we are back to stressful.
I don't resent Hubster. I'm not angry about this. Like I said before, I'm proud. I'm also incredibly grateful that I get the chance to support him on his dream and his journey, and I only hope I can do as good a job as he did supporting me.
But I'm also scared.
This is yet another beginning in so many changes we are going through right now.
Hubster and I tell each other on a regular basis, whether it be daycare dilemmas, car problems, or dental school, we say, "we'll be okay and we'll get through this." That's what I have to remember right now: We are okay, and we always get through everything.