Holiday Blues

I'm having a hard time getting in the holiday mood. I'm not procrastinating anything. In fact, everything is ready for Thanksgiving tomorrow. Christmas cards are done and (mostly) addressed. Almost all the Christmas presents are bought. But I feel like I'm just going through the motions.

The days have flown by, so I'm in denial that it is actually November, let alone nearly the end of November. And since I can barely register the fact that it is the end of fall, it feels that there is no way it can be Thanksgiving tomorrow.

I'm also just to-my-bone-marrow tired. I've been working some of my longest hours in a long time, working 80-90 hours a week for the last several weeks. I'm also on a night shift currently, which just makes me feel cantankerous. And being on nights means that I work 6 days a week, regardless of holidays.

So that means I will be working Thanksgiving day. Actually twice. I get home at 7:30 am on Thanksgiving morning, and have to head back to work at 5:30 pm. I feel that if I have to hear about everyone's 4-5 day weekend, and about all the family and friends they will be seeing, I might have a meltdown. There will be no holiday weekend. There will be no gathering of extending family and friends. There will just be us and a very tired me.

So that's my little pity party for one.

However...this does provide us with good opportunities. We are still planning on a full traditional Thanksgiving dinner. Which means for the first time ever, we have to cook a turkey. I am scared to death of this, but Hubster and I are doing this together. Our turkey is currently being brined, and I'm so excited about it. Tomorrow it will be injected with broth and butter and stuffed with onions and apples.

Given my schedule, there won't be down time after the dinner. But Hubster is planning on bringing our pies to the hospital, so that we can have dessert in the evening, and share it with the other residents that are also away from their families on the holiday.

I'm planning on being over my negativity by the time I wake up this afternoon. I'm planning on cooking with my family and make holiday memories together. I'm planning on forgoing some sleep to make sure that happens. Even if there is no large family gathering, or days off, and even if dinner is eaten around a hospital table instead of the dinner table, I'm planning on celebrating.

Update: I have made two realizations. First, every time I open my mouth (or my laptop) to complain, I have a moment when I realize how pathetic and whiny I sound. Second, I really shouldn't talk (or write) when I am tired. I've slept. And guess what? I'm not really that upset. I'm okay (ish) that I'm working Thanksgiving. It means that someone else won't be. I'm going to have time with my family, and I love them so much. The turkey, despite how afraid I am of it, is going to be awesome. The pies are already done. This is going to be an awesome holiday. Happy Thanksgiving, everyone.