Tuesday, July 16, 2013

A Glimpse at My Current State of Mind

I've become so scatterbrained and distracted lately. I can never find my keys, my wallet. My brain feels so stuffed with, well, stuff, that I can't retain anything else. I told Hubster it was like those brilliant scientists who are winning Nobel prizes and don't remember to shower or comb their hair. Hubster thought it was funny that I was comparing my schedule and studying to a Nobel prize. But right now, they feel just as insurmountable.

Hubster dared me to write this post without mentioning boards and my board studying. But it's absolutely impossible. Board study has become most of my life.  I feel like Hermione Granger before O.W.L.s I walk around with huge stacks of flashcards, having people quiz me at random intervals. I make insane study schedules and wondering if my colleagues are studying more or less than 8 hours a day. All I know is that if I do on my exam as Hermione did on hers, I'll be happy.

Right now, I just have to do the best I can and remember the world won't end if I don't pass. Even if it feels like it will.

The other thing that I spend an insane amount of time thinking about is breast milk. I know. No one wants to hear about breast milk. But this seriously takes up so much of my time. I thought about weaning Duck, but honestly, I love the bonding we have with breast feeding. But pumping at work is stressful. There are days when my supply is very low and I get very discouraged. And then there are pumping sessions when I get a ton of milk. And I want to come out and exclaim how proud I am at that moment. But that would be weird. So instead, I'll blog about it.

Summer is flying by. Why can't I ever look outside in late January and feel that winter is flying by?

I went to bed at 6:30 pm last night. That's normal, right?

Despite Hubster's insistence that I have enough things on my plate, that if I start one more thing, we will all go absolutely crazy, I have restarted my couch-to-5K training. Last time, I got almost three weeks in, and was doing awesome. But then I got my horrific morning sickness and that put an end to running. So, now, 15 months later, I'm starting back up.

Now that I'm soon going to be starting my first real job, I'm also dealing with my first real bills: we have to pay out of pocket for health insurance, disability insurance, and my student loans are coming due. I'm freaking out about finances, which I hate to do. Because freaking out doesn't solve a single thing.

We recently got a new storage system for all the boys Legos.  That's your life with boys: the most exciting thing to happen recently is having a place to store all the Legos.

I used to listen to the news while I drove to and from work. Now, I listen to lectures. I have no idea what is going on in the world. There could be nuclear war on the East Coast and as long as the hospital is still open, I probably wouldn't know about it. But I would be all brushed up on cardiac physiology.

I have now made it two hours longer than I did yesterday. Which is long enough.  I'm going to bed.


  1. Haha. If nothing else, when I stopped nursing my babies, the biggest change in my life was I had so much time to think about other things! Nothing like having to pump to make a mom crazy. :)

    Good luck with studying. I know how that can make a person crazy too. It'll all be worth it in the end.

  2. I love the comparison to Hermione. It sounds so perfect. I hope the boards don't make you completely crazy and that they go perfectly. Or that they went perfectly. I realize I'm a little behind in reading here, so you might have already done them. Either way, good luck!