(I know that this post should have been up yesterday, but I had internet problems which led to me doing all sorts of things I neither understand nor am qualified to do. But I do now have internet again. And I just can't wait a whole week to post this.)
Drum roll please.
I have now lost 10 pounds!!!
After my little temper-tantrum last week, who would have thought? But it's true. I had just reached a plateau, and although I knew that mentally, it was hard to cope with emotionally. But I'm now off that plateau, and back on the thrilling ride downwards.
I talk about my weight quite a bit. I think about it even more. But there is a good reason for this.
My oldest son will be turning 7 this summer. That means in the last 7 years, I had gained a lot of weight. Between two pregnancies, medical school, and all the stress that goes along with those, I had gained 50 pounds in 7 years.
50 pounds! That is a lot.
It was enough for me to not feel at home in my own body. I have spent the last several years not even recognizing myself. I felt like someone else. I had gained the weight so fast that my self-image didn't have time to keep up with my real image.
I was critical of my body when it was 50 pounds lighter. But this new body was one that I didn't even know. And I hated it.
My mom didn't keep any of her baby weight until her sixth pregnancy. My sister was back to her pre-pregnancy weight less than six weeks after her daughter was born. My grandmother probably weights as much now as she did when she was 18.
It hurt being the only fat one in the family.
The dieting and exercising have been demanding, both physically, but even more so, emotionally.
This 10 pound weight loss is a big deal for me. It's evidence that a lot of hard work is starting to pay off. That I'm on my way to being a little bit healthier.
I still have some more to go. Now I'm only 15 pounds over my medically ideal body weight, instead of 25.
During this process, I've come to look at myself a little differently. I've become a little more forgiving of myself. I'm starting to accept what I see in the mirror. To appreciate my new curves. To be less critical.
I know that I'll never be back to that size 4 girl I was before this whole process began 7 years ago.
And I'm starting to be okay with that.