Sunday, November 14, 2010


It may be the worst kept secret around, but I am going crazy with keeping it. For more than a year, I have been distracted while I think about it. It sneaks into nearly all my thoughts and interferes with many of my dreams.

I am outright, full-blown baby hungry.

Monkey is now 4. Bug is now 8. And I'm ready for another one.

Oh, that it would be that easy.

It's times like this that make it easy to fall into my little pity parties about how difficult my life feels. But since I've made ever single informed decision along the way, I can't dwell on that. After all, we made the decision to go into medicine, where I'll be working 12-14 hour days for at least the next 2 1/2 years. We made the decision to move to Iowa, 1200 miles away from any family that could theoretically help take care of a new baby. We made the decision about dental school, which means Hubster starting his own strenuous academic career. We are a single income family and with loans harder and harder to come by, daycare may not be as feasible as it once was.

We're at a point in our lives where things are actually getting easier. Monkey starts kindergarten next year. Which means that both boys would be in school during the day and there wouldn't be any extra childcare costs. There are no more diapers, high chairs, cribs, late night feedings, sleep training, or temper tantrums.

And it just breaks my heart.

Sometimes I feel like I'm determined to make my life difficult. Why can't I just be content with what I have? Two healthy boys, the thought of them both being in school, the rhythm that we've fallen into over the last year.

After all, I hate being pregnant. I get very sick, I get fat, I never regain my pre-pregnancy body. I'm tired enough as it is. I'm never home as it is. I'm stressed enough as it is. Why would I do this to myself?

And then I realize that I don't really care. I know that we're meant to have a third child.

That, and there are babies everywhere. My sister, my cousin, and a good friend just had babies. Friends of mine are pregnant right and left. And the blogosphere is just full of babies. Babies, babies, babies, and babies!

Nearly every time I sit in our office, I think about how cute it would be as a nursery. I find myself thinking of names.

The boys overheard Hubster and I talking about this topic and became so excited. "Are we having a baby?!" they squealed. No, they were told, we're talking about the possibility of a baby. They were crestfallen, but it's good to know they're onboard with the idea. In fact, we all are.

Damn logistics.

Where we go from here, I'm not exactly sure. Do we take the plunge and hope the schedules and child care work themselves out? Do we postpone until our schedules and income are more condusive for another baby?

In the meantime, I'm storing away nursery color schemes and coveting every newborn I see.


  1. I'm 40 and have never had one...but I think it helps that I have no idea what I'm missing!

  2. So exciting! Glad I could whet your appetite!

  3. I am so baby hungry too. We are having some similar issues and discussions too. We have a house on the market (our first house) and have for a few months, so for the past 4 months we have been floating two mortgage payments. There is also the fact that Mr. works 2.5 hours away and isn't home all during the week.

    I can't help it, it consumes me and Mini #1 is ALL ABOUT a sibling. He insists that we just go to the hospital and pick it up. He is set on a boy.

    We can console each other until the time comes.

  4. I've been baby hungry lately, too. Which is problematic when I have neither a husband nor an interest in becoming a single mother.

    Seriously, though, I see it time and again. If your family has the desire to have another baby, the details will work themselves out. If you wait until the "time is right" it never will be.

  5. Is it bad to admit that I'm only 5 months married and getting a little baby hunger too? But it breaks my heart also because a) I'm a medical student and b) I live 3,000 miles away from my husband with no end to that in sight. :( I feel (a little) of your pain. The thing about you Katherine is that you always do make things work. You are tough. You can do anything you want to do. I'm glad I get to watch it unfold.

  6. Katherine - I am feeling the same way. I wish there was some magic answer that could make it so easy to have another and not interfere with residency. Or better yet, to be able to take enough time away to do the important things like establish breast feeding, bonding and get past the post-partum blues before going back to 30 hr shifts and 80-90 hour work weeks.

  7. Oh, Congratulations Katherine b/c it does sound like you know your family is destined for a third child. How exciting is that? Not sure if there ever is a right or perfect time and I'm sure it will happen when the time is right for you all.

    I have baby envy too at times except I'm pretty sure (about 90%) that our baby days are almost over. That makes me so sad though.

  8. I am in completely the opposite situation. I am D-O-N-E done. It's funny how when you know, you know.

    And you know, I say you should just go for it. Things always have a way of working themselves out.

  9. I kept feeling like someone was missing from our family until number four arrived. Then, I felt complete. It's just in us somehow.
    Came over from SITS to say hi.

  10. I believe it is a Divine spark within us that pushes us to have the children we are meant to have....When you want it that much there really is a reason :0)

  11. Good luck in your decision.

    How are you enjoying Wicked?


  12. Sounds like its time to throw your hat over the wall. It is reasonable and right to ALWAYS choose what is the most important. Sacrificing what we have or want for what might have been is the saddest commentary. The less important will happen any way, it always has. HUGS