Thursday, September 29, 2011

Bug, Version 9.11

Dear Bug,

I've wondered if I should write this at all.

Part of me wants to not write it. I want you to look back on your childhood and only remember the good. I want the rough patches and difficult moments to be overpowered by the joyful, sun-filled moments.

Part of me wants to write it. I want to accurately capture what you were like at this age. I want to capture our real life. I want to look back, remember how hard things were, and then laugh when we actually make it through all this. That part is winning out.

First, I want you to know that I love you. From the moment I saw two pinks lines on the pregnancy test to this moment now, I have loved you.

Things have been difficult. It feels that we are always butting heads on everything. It doesn't matter. I ask you to do your homework, you argue with me. I ask you to do your chores, you argue with me. I ask you to eat your dinner, you argue with me. I lay out clothes for school, you refuse to wear them. I ask about your day, you refuse to tell me. We try to go for our evening family walk, you refuse to come with us. You refuse to wear your glasses. You boss Monkey around.

Every single thing is a fight.

This was the amount of involvement you gave us during our trip to the apple orchard.

I honestly thought we wouldn't have to deal with things like this until you were a teenager. I don't know how to make this better. There are moments, whole days, that I just want to banish you to your room and scream at the top of my lungs. Those are the moments I bury my face in my hands and take a deep breath through my fingers. Over and over I say to myself, "I love this boy, I love this boy."

Because I do love you. I know that this is just a phase. I know that you are sweet, you are responsible, you are thoughtful. I have seen you be all these things. We will get through this. I will still do everything I can to make sure that the happy memories, the wonderful things we have as a family smooth out this rough patch until neither of us remember it.

Just remember, I love you. Even when I make you wear your glasses, eat your peas, and wear a coat to school.



  1. I'm sorry to hear that you and Bug are going through this little phase. Eventually, it'll make your bond even stronger and he'll grow into a fine young man. Great letter.

  2. These type of letters may mean more to him than the happy time ones will. I know I would of appreciated letters like this when I got older. Every parent goes through a rough patch I bet. Keep strong, Your an amazing person, mother, and wife.

  3. I agree with Emma Lilly. I wish my mom had written down her thoughts during the bad times so I would have a reference to go back and understand that I'm not alone in my own parenting struggles. Maybe that's why I like connecting to other bloggers so much- we realize how much we all share in the journey.

    You know the roller coaster we have in our home with our daughter so you know I understand your frustration, sadness, and even anger.

    Keep consistently loving and disciplining and things will get better. Trust your mama gut and keep working your way through it.

  4. I have a theory...if my kid is complaining, then I'm doing something right.

  5. I'm sorry things are so difficult right now. Maybe this means the teenage years will be easier? Because he got it out of his system now?

  6. You've got it right. He will periodically test the waters to see if he's in charge, how much influence he has, etc. Keep telling him why you do what you do, and what you like and expect most from him because he's a good person. You ARE a great mom! No matter how long or dark the space is, good memories, like a candle, will always outweigh every dark thing, be the most noteworthy, cherished things. I agree with Jennee. It makes you closer eventually.