Except for the times I'm completely panicking.
Panicking because I'm starting to feel that I'm never going to be ready for this baby. I still have so much to do. The baby quilt is not done. I haven't packed a hospital bag. I haven't deep cleaned the house. There is still so much to do. At 36 weeks, technically the baby could arrive at any time (although hopefully not until after Thanksgiving). And this house (and mommy) are absolutely not ready.
I'm also panicking because I keep having moments where suddenly I think that this whole baby thing wasn't such a good idea. Obviously, I'm pot committed at this point. But there are times when I have this moment of terror that is basically, "What was I thinking!?!" I'm already so busy, financially we're just making ends meet. I'm not exactly sure how to continue to juggle my unpredictable work schedule with family time, how to pay for day care, how to study for boards. I don't know how we're going to do it.
I'll have this panicky moments, and then I'll calm right down.
We've made it work before. We've been much tighter financially in the past. We've juggled busy schedules before. We always find a way to make it work, and I know that we will do it this time. And scrubbing the walls and all the baseboards is overrated, right?
Other sources of panic these days: having enough swelling that my wedding ring has been moved to a necklace around my neck and no longer being able to fit into any shoes. To have my maternity clothes not really fit. In fact, one pair of my maternity pants ripped while I was trying to put them on. How's that for a self-esteem blow?
But I calm down about this too. I know that the swelling will go away after delivery. And if some of that swelling actually ends up being extra weight, well...oh, well.
I haven't weighed myself once during the pregnancy (other than the mandatory weigh ins at my doctor appointments). With my other two pregnancies, I weighed myself daily, keeping track of every pound. I freaked about about every stretch mark. This time, I went into this pregnancy already a little over weight. So what was a few more pounds? I've already got an exercise program in place for post partum, and even if I don't lose the all the weight, I know that I'll be all right. I already had the stretch marks, so what is a few more going to do?
And let me tell you, with a belly this big, there are a few more...
But with a belly this big, it also means that baby is right around the corner. And even though I'm (just a little) panicked about that, I'm also pretty excited.
Amen. I feel like I completely understand this post, though I don't have to juggle nearly as many things as you do. I had to just keep reminding myself that, like you said, we'd been financially tighter in the past, and we'd made it through hard things before, and that yes, once the baby came out, I'd just love him, and it would all make sense and be just fine. And you know what? It is. The love you have immediately for that baby makes everything else worth dealing with. You're going to make it, and you're going to be amazing.
ReplyDeleteP.S. Deep-cleaning is totally overrated, and a little secret? I never even packed a real hospital bag. Just my computer/phone/camera, a change of clothes to go home in, and my toothbrush/paste and hair stuffs. And I survived just fine. Your hubby will be in and out enough visiting that he can bring you anything else you need. :)
I have no idea what it's like to be in your shoes, but I can sympathize! You'll get everything done, and whatever you don't get done can just wait.
ReplyDeleteMy question is, how did 36 weeks go so fast??
Wow! That was fast. Well, for me. I'm not the one who is pregnant. ; )
ReplyDeleteYes, I relate about being overwhelmed and the looking forward to the new things too. Its a beautiful tummy!
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