At 36 weeks, there is only one more month to go in this whole pregnancy thing. Which is good, because I'm pretty much done.
Except for the times I'm completely panicking.
Panicking because I'm starting to feel that I'm never going to be ready for this baby. I still have so much to do. The baby quilt is not done. I haven't packed a hospital bag. I haven't deep cleaned the house. There is still so much to do. At 36 weeks, technically the baby could arrive at any time (although hopefully not until after Thanksgiving). And this house (and mommy) are absolutely not ready.
I'm also panicking because I keep having moments where suddenly I think that this whole baby thing wasn't such a good idea. Obviously, I'm pot committed at this point. But there are times when I have this moment of terror that is basically, "What was I thinking!?!" I'm already so busy, financially we're just making ends meet. I'm not exactly sure how to continue to juggle my unpredictable work schedule with family time, how to pay for day care, how to study for boards. I don't know how we're going to do it.
I'll have this panicky moments, and then I'll calm right down.
We've made it work before. We've been much tighter financially in the past. We've juggled busy schedules before. We always find a way to make it work, and I know that we will do it this time. And scrubbing the walls and all the baseboards is overrated, right?
Other sources of panic these days: having enough swelling that my wedding ring has been moved to a necklace around my neck and no longer being able to fit into any shoes. To have my maternity clothes not really fit. In fact, one pair of my maternity pants ripped while I was trying to put them on. How's that for a self-esteem blow?
But I calm down about this too. I know that the swelling will go away after delivery. And if some of that swelling actually ends up being extra weight, well...oh, well.
I haven't weighed myself once during the pregnancy (other than the mandatory weigh ins at my doctor appointments). With my other two pregnancies, I weighed myself daily, keeping track of every pound. I freaked about about every stretch mark. This time, I went into this pregnancy already a little over weight. So what was a few more pounds? I've already got an exercise program in place for post partum, and even if I don't lose the all the weight, I know that I'll be all right. I already had the stretch marks, so what is a few more going to do?
And let me tell you, with a belly this big, there are a few more...
But with a belly this big, it also means that baby is right around the corner. And even though I'm (just a little) panicked about that, I'm also pretty excited.