For a long time, I've thought of myself as someone who has it all together.
At least, that's been the image I've been trying to project. That's what I would like everyone to believe.
Some people think I have it all. I'm an anesthesiology resident. I have an amazing husband. I'm the mother to two darling boys. We have a house in one of the best school districts in our city.
But some days are a struggle.
Okay, fine. Most days are a struggle.
I haven't found a rhythm that allows me to move gracefully through one day and into the next. Getting dinner on the table, the boys into their pajamas and into bed, and myself off to sleep at a decent time is a constant battle. And that's just the basics. If I take into account the fact that dishes need to be washed, beds need to be made, laundry needs doing, and floors need sweeping, I'm a complete wreck.
There are days when the realization that I need to shower makes me feel completely overwhelmed.
The sad thing is that none of this is new. We've been living with our lifestyle for nearly a year. Why can't I find a system that works in all that time?
I look at other people who have dinner at a reasonable time, kids off to bed at set times. There are other moms in my residency program who seem to find time to family activities and time to study.
I've nearly given up on studying. I just don't know how to fit it in.
But here's the really funny thing.
I'm tired and overwhelmed. There are days that I feel my responsibilities will break through the dyke and drown me.
But I'm really happy.
My children are thriving. My husband is happy. Even without the schedule and finding the time to do everything, home is relaxing. There is truly no place I would rather be.
Maybe I do have it together more than I thought.