Flashback Friday: My Secret Love

Discussing far future vacation plans as a family, I realized that neither of my children remember the ocean.  This is not their fault at all.  The last time we were at the ocean, Bug was 5 and Monkey was 18 months old.  To realize that my boys don't know what it's like to hear the surf, feel the sand and the waves, and smell the salt in the air makes me deeply sad.  The ocean was such a big part of my life growing up.

Which is why I'm sharing this post this week.  First written December 15, 2008, it still captures my feelings...

 ________________________

I have a confession.

I have a love affair with the ocean.



Living in the land-locked, desert and harsh winter state that I do, it is sometimes easy to forget how strong my feelings are towards the ocean.

But all it takes is a moment, a glance, and all those emotions come rushing back.

Recently, I was traveling for school/work, and was driving from Loma Linda, CA to San Diego. As I wound through the hills, ever nearing the ocean, I could feel my heart beating faster and faint butterflies forming in my stomach. Just like the moment before you know you are going to see the boy you've been crushing on.

And then, I make a turn in the road. And the world falls away. There it is...the ocean.



(I'll even admit that there were tears in my eyes. Which, like the rest of this, is completely irrational and even a little silly. But it still happens.)

I managed to find time between my meeting and my flight to make it to the beach. Best 2 hours of my entire four day trip.

I'm not sure how to explain my emotions towards the ocean. Walking along the sand, just letting the water cover my ankles, I feel at peace. I only lived by the beach for 18 months as a young child. But the pull is always there.

Here, I feel the most connected to my childhood.

The sound of the waves, the feel, smell, taste of the salty air.


I always say (and yes, I am getting old enough to be able to say, "I always say...") that everyone needs a dermatologist and a therapist. (Maybe I'll explain that sometime.)

This is the best therapy session. I don't think about to-do lists, excuses, the hectic pace that normally fills my life.

I think of me (and not in a selfish, egotistical way). I feel connected to myself. My thoughts are clearer, and I find that I like my thoughts (at least in this place.)


I've lived elsewhere most of my life.

But this...

It always feels like coming home.